This is really intetesting. I think you could say something else at the end in lieu of light (rays or something like that) in order to avoid repetition in such a minimalist piece. This has a surreal feel (Hey, I rhymed) to it. It's also sort of imagist too. It reminds me of Amy Lowell's work (I'm not a fan of Ezra Pound, so I won't bring up that comparison).