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    dots Submission Name: alonedots

    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 642
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 646


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I'm so alone
    always walking home alone.
    on the path I only know
    It don't matter if there is snow
    please let go of the past
    I'm the outcast
    I was the fastest to realize that
    just don't ask what I meant by that.
    Abusive was what I was called
    but, it was all inclusive in the court
    I must live with the choices I make.
    Take the consequences as they come.
    Overcome any obstacles
    that I may reach.
    I'm about to break down
    from the stress.
    Adding all the test's
    I'm trying to make the best

    Submitted on 2005-01-10 10:36:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      the rhyme sceme was a little too much and for some reason this poem struck a bell with me... it sounded really familirar... but maybe I dont know what I'm talking about... it was alright but you don't need to be so obvious with your emotions... try to use original clichés
    | Posted on 2005-01-10 00:00:00 | by bleedbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      The rhyme is very forced in this. I prefer an imperfect rhyme scheme to forced rhymes. Why not try free verse? I think it fits serious subjects better. You also used some words repetively in such a short piece. Perhaps you could try some way to avoid doing that. You also don't need the apostrophe in "test's" since you can form a regular plural, and it's not possessive. There's a lot of emotion here. Take these ideas and ditch the rhyme and add some fresh imagery.
    | Posted on 2005-01-10 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Poems dont always have to rhyme. In fact, I usually like poems which dont rhyme more than poems that do. I consider them to be powerful in a way, I guess. This poem is good, but would be better if you sort of changed it around some? I dont exactly understand the line about tests, but I guess you must be talking about tribulations and all that, right?
    | Posted on 2005-01-11 00:00:00 | by GiveMeTheGun | [ Reply to This ]

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