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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Can't Be Real...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ForsakenAngel
    ASL Info:    19/F/Arkansas
    Elite Ratio:    6.37 - 147/73/18
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1154
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 709



    Description:
       I have dedicated this to someone who makes me feel this way far to often and I am trying to forget him and so hopfully this will help me to forget.The part about the glow is his eyes. I just wanted to tell you in case you couldn't tell from the poem. He makes me happy and sad all at the same time. This is dedicated to that person that I am so dsperately trying to forget.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCan't Be Real...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Looking into the deep glow,
    waiting for you to know,
    how you make me feel.
    I just know this can't be real.

    I can't be happy,
    you just don't see.
    I love you yes,
    more than you could ever know,
    my heart just won't confess.
    I try to let it show,
    but I am afraid to feel.
    I just know this can't be real.

    I am so sorry, I could not tell you,
    I want you to stay.
    I just watched you go,
    taking my heart with you all the way.
    Leaving me empty inside,
    all alone to hide.
    Somehow now I know,
    truly now I do.
    This just can't be real.




    Submitted on 2005-01-10 22:37:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is good.... I like the hook, you played everything into it well....I'm sorry about whoever it was that made you write this though, hopefully for you, it helped you to feel better
    | Posted on 2006-06-26 00:00:00 | by maninthemirror | [ Reply to This ]
      I was afriad to read this poem. I just knew I would connect with it, and I did. I yell at myself now, for what I connected to it with. I mean, why couldn't I have just told him? I'm such an idiot. *sigh* Oh well, to late now. I liked these lines the most, I think I connect with them the most...
    "I am so sorry, I could not tell you,
    I want you to stay.
    I just watched you go"
    I also liked the way you used the comma just after that. Sorry, I love those things,,, Sorry. Anyway, I hope you write more, I like readin all these. I hope you don't mind me commenting on old stuff.
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by TDALBH | [ Reply to This ]
      Alright now I'm gonna kick azzzz and you know who I am talkin bout chic. But I really liked ur writing but he is goin down. Damn him. ur Best friend will take care of this slight problem.

    ria
    | Posted on 2005-01-13 00:00:00 | by ria_pixie | [ Reply to This ]
      All i have to say is wow, i loved it , i had to read over it a couple of times like i do with everything to understand exactly what its about but i can relate and kind of similar to my , hearts' desire piece i understand the feeling of loving someone and wanting to tell them but not being able to or when you do they turn the other way and decide that they didn't hear it. Its hard and sometimes you have to give up, "its better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all" i know its been over used but its true. Well keep it up its really good, adios.

    Chon
    | Posted on 2005-01-11 00:00:00 | by xPoetxBoyx | [ Reply to This ]
      i deffonatly loved this poem i gess more then most spicificaly because i am feeling that way right now my self. normally when people write one of these they talk about flow and rhyme but you know i don't think every poem needs to have a perfect balance of either or have it at all. i think what makes a poem is what pores from your heart what make you keep going the on way for you to express your feelings with out condemnation. i really like your poem because it is straght forward and deffonatly to the point. any how i also saw one thing and that is a few typeoe's ( is that a word?) any how what i normally do is i type it up first in word and then copy and past it to the window lol any how just a tip. this poem is on my favorets list for sure!
    Archer
    | Posted on 2005-01-10 00:00:00 | by Archer | [ Reply to This ]
      The misspelled words Archer mentioned are:

    Second Stanza, Line 5: "Confes", should be "Confess".

    Third Stanza, Line 8: "truely", should be "truly".

    Also, in the 7th line of the third stanza, you should make "Some how" one word.

    Other than that, there's nothing wrong with this piece. I liked how you repeated the "I just know this can't be real" line at the end of the first and second stanzas, then changed it to "This just can't be real" at the end. Makes it seem as if it is going with the flow of your thoughts. Not bad, cheers!
    | Posted on 2005-01-11 00:00:00 | by Apocalyptica | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good! I see that others have already addressed the spelling and some grammer so I will not bore you again with that. It is very mature to know that even in love you can tell that a relationship will not work. We have all wanted to hang onto a relationship that we knew was only a matter of time that it would fail. It can be so painful, I know.
    Dana
    | Posted on 2005-01-11 00:00:00 | by raptures | [ Reply to This ]


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