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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Little Match Girldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: solitary_cross
    ASL Info:    19/female/Philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.4 - 92/107/24
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 843
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 943



    Description:
       It is about "burning" your own dreams and aspirations because of something bad that you did in the past and everyone is being affected by it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Little Match Girldots
    -------------------------------------------


    The quiet one
    Needs no introduction
    She awakes from her slumber
    Hiding beneath the shadows
    Of her own scars
    Of her own bruises

    Eyes of deep pain
    Amidst the dead horizon
    Tears of black pearls
    Straying down her cheeks
    Her sobs so silent
    Her screams so deafening

    Echoes of shallow breaths
    Fogs the black-tinted windows
    Her creed begins to wane
    Just hanging by the edge
    Her hands holding on
    Her heart letting go

    Between her engraved lines
    Lies the Insignificant
    A catalyst of desolation
    That spreads fast her fury
    The smoke of the afterlife
    The scent of burnt ashes

    Memories of a scarlet yesterday
    Bathes her cold hands
    Trickles down the stream
    Of her forgotten fate
    Her crimson touch
    Their charred souls




    Submitted on 2005-01-11 04:05:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Brilliant! I have nothing constructive to add. But I did want to give you praise on your use of metaphor's and smooth flowing style. The message was also touching to me personally. Thank you for you.
    | Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by Isaac | [ Reply to This ]
      This wasn't just good, it was more like excellent. It flowed and I really enjoyed the lines. Especially the "hands holding on, heart letting go." Isn't that the way it always is. Mentally and emotionally we want so badly to end it all and let go but our physical being won't let us. I hope that made sense. I enjoyed this piece more because I could relate to it. Sounds like something I'd write. We could get along. :o)
    ~BCute
    | Posted on 2005-01-17 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW! You realy had me going...You way of writing happens to be one of my favourite structures in terms of poetry. The way you convey your feelings is quite tangible and powerful though complex for the average reader. It is truly poetry. Well done.
    | Posted on 2005-01-11 00:00:00 | by Eolendytos | [ Reply to This ]
      Pretty good read if i do say so myself. The rhythm was hard to get, but once i got it, i loved the way it worked. Good job.
    | Posted on 2005-01-11 00:00:00 | by Bassrifts | [ Reply to This ]
      wow! this is a terrific piece, full of great imagery & emotion. anderson was a REALLY sick dude, and 'the match girl' is without a doubt, the saddest story i've ever read. this has that same quality; the reader can feel her sadness. good job here. my only nit is with the last lines of the stanzas. don't think you need to repeat words.

    Of her own sentiments
    Of her own fears

    could be:

    Of her own sentiments
    her own fears

    the same for the stanzas that follow-of course, it's your work. other than that very minor thing, this is wonderful work. :-)
    | Posted on 2005-01-11 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good. It's very deep and it flows so well. You can really feel the pain as you read.
    "Her hands holding on
    Her heart letting go"
    I loved these two lines, they just make more sense then you realize...
    | Posted on 2005-01-11 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really good, it has great imagrey. I know I'm supposed to criteque, but I couldn't find any errors so all I have is that this is good. so I guess that's it...
    | Posted on 2005-01-12 00:00:00 | by Darkest Flaw | [ Reply to This ]


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