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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Waydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: grinninggashes
    ASL Info:    17/f/from sumwhere :)
    Elite Ratio:    3.27 - 154/124/25
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 852
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 697



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Waydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Its the way you don't say "I love you"
    but its the way i say "i Love You"
    then y ou reply "I love you too"
    Its the way you don't hug me
    but its the way I hug you
    then you hug me to
    its the way you don't say sweet things
    that makes me feel unwanted
    its the way you dont' say you look nice
    that makes me feel low
    its the way you don't kiss me out of the blue
    that makes me feel confused
    its the way you really don't do anything
    that makes me cry and feel hurt
    its the way I love you
    but not totally sure
    that you love me too.




    Submitted on 2005-01-11 12:03:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a piece that I know more about then most. You have vented and expressed inner battling feelings and you did a great job at it. It is frustrating when you seem to be the only one putting work into a relationship. Or showing the affection in the relationship. Yet, some men aren't good at that. Me, I am the opposite. I am the bashful one. Well, only at first. If you have been with this guy for a long time then he should freely say these things and do these things. He should feel comfortable enough around you to not hold back anything and be always open with his feelings. You are a sweetie and you deserve that. You deserve a man that will spoil you with love and more.

    Alicia
    | Posted on 2005-01-12 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      if re-phrased, this could be a really good poem. theres a lot of feeling that really shows through, and thats really good-just maybe make it less predictable. good write though :)
    sophie
    | Posted on 2005-01-11 00:00:00 | by sudie | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this to be perfect as is, it needs no re-phrasing. as far as it being predictable aren't all human emotions? I mean they are predictible because we all feel the same way. anyhoo just wanted to put my two sense in and say leave this piece be. It's beautiful.
    | Posted on 2005-01-11 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      You know what, I think this is a fantastic poem for someone of your age (I am the same) that has experienced these emotions. I can totally relate and that is a sign of a great poem. The only thing I would suggest changing is the first six lines, as they do not seem to fit in with the flow of the rest of the poem.
    These lines follow a pattern but then it suddenyl stops so maybe you shouldn't use it at all. I really like it though.
    | Posted on 2005-01-11 00:00:00 | by Star_searcher | [ Reply to This ]
      First off- I love your user name! Sweet. Now, thatís out of the way- The poem was sweet and short and repetitive (donít worry- I lyke receptiveness!) Itís sadd and yet hopeful and itís an overall- good jorb! Peace, love and showing up for work when ya have the day off- ~#6-
    | Posted on 2005-01-11 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]


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