The Way -------------------------------------------
Its the way you don't say "I love you"
but its the way i say "i Love You"
then y ou reply "I love you too"
Its the way you don't hug me
but its the way I hug you
then you hug me to
its the way you don't say sweet things
that makes me feel unwanted
its the way you dont' say you look nice
that makes me feel low
its the way you don't kiss me out of the blue
that makes me feel confused
its the way you really don't do anything
that makes me cry and feel hurt
its the way I love you
but not totally sure
that you love me too.
This is a piece that I know more about then most. You have vented and expressed inner battling feelings and you did a great job at it. It is frustrating when you seem to be the only one putting work into a relationship. Or showing the affection in the relationship. Yet, some men aren't good at that. Me, I am the opposite. I am the bashful one. Well, only at first. If you have been with this guy for a long time then he should freely say these things and do these things. He should feel comfortable enough around you to not hold back anything and be always open with his feelings. You are a sweetie and you deserve that. You deserve a man that will spoil you with love and more.
I thought this to be perfect as is, it needs no re-phrasing. as far as it being predictable aren't all human emotions? I mean they are predictible because we all feel the same way. anyhoo just wanted to put my two sense in and say leave this piece be. It's beautiful.
You know what, I think this is a fantastic poem for someone of your age (I am the same) that has experienced these emotions. I can totally relate and that is a sign of a great poem. The only thing I would suggest changing is the first six lines, as they do not seem to fit in with the flow of the rest of the poem. These lines follow a pattern but then it suddenyl stops so maybe you shouldn't use it at all. I really like it though.
First off- I love your user name! Sweet. Now, thatís out of the way- The poem was sweet and short and repetitive (donít worry- I lyke receptiveness!) Itís sadd and yet hopeful and itís an overall- good jorb! Peace, love and showing up for work when ya have the day off- ~#6-