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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Piano Fanaticdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Paconess1006
    ASL Info:    16/M/Charlotte, NC
    Elite Ratio:    3.11 - 99/126/46
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 278
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 984



    Description:
       I swear if this wasn't so sexual, I'd get sexy on myself. Interpret how you will. Its sh-teamy!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Piano Fanaticdots
    -------------------------------------------



    As my fingers run down these keys
    thoughts of you run down my spine
    practicing my piano A's, B's and C's
    we find a melody; slow, sweet, devine.

    Up and down I move,
    flickering lights do guide me.
    preparation for a slow mystical groove
    and I become lost inside my mind.

    Your thoughts propel my hands
    into a neverending blitz of patterns
    Your voice floats over the song
    and merges in unison with the notes

    Two souls trapped in a musical void
    one song, one voice, one us
    composing our song, time becomes annoyed
    and reveals the departure of us.

    I skip to end of the melody
    and brush across the climax
    as you hit those high notes clearly
    and scream into the arch of your back

    Tired you are,
    withered I am
    Although you may not know,
    You've made a fan.




    Submitted on 2005-01-11 21:24:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      haha. good job. I enjoyed the comparison of sex and piano music, and I especially enjoyed the part "Although you may not know, you've made a fan." Good job keep up the work!
    | Posted on 2005-01-11 00:00:00 | by Skinwalker | [ Reply to This ]
      You should get sexy on yourself. Really funny stuff and I should Know. I just started taking piano lessons and it's funny reading this. Ha-ha!
    | Posted on 2005-01-11 00:00:00 | by calling eve | [ Reply to This ]
      What is it with sex and music? :)
    Good write though!

    *Up and down I move,
    flickering lights do guide me.
    preparation for a slow mystical groove
    and I become lost inside my mind.*

    The best stanza!
    | Posted on 2005-01-12 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      For some reason I absoultely love having a piano mixed in with poetry. The piano/keyboard is a great instrument, boy I wish I could play it.

    Anyway, I enjoyed reading this piece, but there werea couple things I thought that threw it off. Honestly, I think it would've been a lot better without the rhyme scheme at all. (Someone gave me that exact same comment once, and I was like...what the heck, but I tried it and the maturity of the piece sky-rocketed). The only reason for this is because it is a very mature piece that I'm sure you wouldnt want 7-10 year-olds reading.

    Your word choice was excellent and the imagery came in pretty well. There was one stanza where I was comepletely confused at some point, but I think thats my own daftness playing that part.

    Overall though, nice piece!

    --Kayla
    | Posted on 2005-01-12 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      I have read many of your poems, this by far the best,bravo

    you get extra kudos for being original with the concept of mixing music with an under tone of sensuality.

    Keep writing and I will keep reading
    | Posted on 2005-01-12 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]



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