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    dots Submission Name: A Perfect Daydots

    Author: ARCHIE
    ASL Info:    37 YOA Male in Africa
    Elite Ratio:    2.44 - 90/126/40
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1313
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 664


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Perfect Daydots

    It is a sea licked sun flashed
    sand gravelled

    Boats and babies,
    sunshaded covers,

    On the beach
    people sun cowering
    drinking warm coke and hot

    Cooking meat on
    open flames and
    rapeing oiling flesh

    Skins well done
    by sunlight heat
    smelling coconuts
    and cloves

    Hearing laughter
    washing machine churned waves
    flipping kids and adults alike
    spume swept up

    We Whale stranded
    on the sand
    a perfect day.

    Submitted on 2005-01-12 01:26:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like this alot.Very good imagery, I liked the subject and the words you used. I hope you keep posting so I can read your stuff you have talent and I think that I will be watching you.
    | Posted on 2005-01-12 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      very colorful description, lot of activity to follow, took me a few reads to find your flow, this feels a little rough around the edges probably due to the second stanza being so long compared to the introduction being so short, did like the short lines quick and to the point
    | Posted on 2005-01-12 00:00:00 | by brokenbatman | [ Reply to This ]

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