This was quite an indictment against the world that we now are forced to live and try to thrive in. I thought you last stanza hit the very center of the bullseye.
This was a great read. You have an excellent way with words which seems effortless through your storytelling. I also liked the subject matter that strikes at the core of mankind's simple yet impure instinct of war. The irony is cleverly exposed in nearly every way, i was meaning to write a peice about war but after reading this I just don't know what else I can bring to the topic. Great work.
This immediately resurrected in the dark recesses of my subconscious lyrics from "Littel Light of Love" by Eric Serra and performed by R.X.R.A on the soundtrack of "Fifth Element":
> And when the war is nearly over > How come the leaders are held in high honors? > Would you die for their lie? > Greedy hunting cry?
This piece definitely has the power I felt in Serra's lyrics. Great piece. Thanks for sharing! bent
First off, not only did you state this so elequently, you stated it so clearly as well.
Sacrifice the willing Make everybody pay For the death you’re billing Not your kid anyway
-that was my favorite stanza. it is so true, you don't see polititions children posted on frontline positions. amazing write. has a special impact on me, since i am 17, and am at the age that if we go to war with Iran will probably be drafted, despite what Bush says.
This is incredible. The whole thing, all of it. It's all so true, so incredibly true. You are a master with words, and I am absolutely in love with it. I would like to have your permission to put the poem into my website, and I'm very pleased to say that you're my newest favorites addition. Congratulations on a poem very very well written. Beautiful. ~Sicobe R. Crow
Holy tongue-tied Batman (stupid superhero)! That was pheominal. Honestly, your rhyme scheme was SO constant and your word choice was more then fitting. My favourite stanza was:
"Make the children battle Amongst the war you’ve made For they are but the cattle Of your stock and trade"
You just about knocked me off my seat man. Shfew (I made that word).
But hey, I'm glad to see you're back and posting. I missed your pieces like this (which will go on my favourites list).
deep and insightful war is hell but also can be agood thing i mean if a war was never fought the us would not be here today if that were true then the world would have later gone communist see what i mean
Holy Flippen Hanna...first love the style...free flow for me is best...but you kept the content close and the meter is good too. Now the meaning is powerful and oh so striking with soft words that sneek in before they give their blow...which sinks even deeper and hits that much harder. The evil that is placed upon the world and never healed...is a reflection of mans instincts in the worst light. This one reminds me of the need for power...and the hunger for more...and the ability to over look the obvious...or not care about.
Awsome write here...glad to see you back! Happy home coming...what a way to start kelly
You know ...youve been so nice to take time to read my poems and comment ...I had to come have a look see through your work ...Im so glad that i have ...This is fantastic ...I found myself kind of confilcted ...not knowing if i was sad or angry ...maybe just both ...I do love the end stanza ...It was actually humourous in a sarcastic cold way ...which just polished that peice off perfectly ...You know war has been done so much ...but this stands out so much ..because of the anger and chill you get from reading it ...Im rambling ... Anyway ...I think this is fabulous ...Im adding it to my faves..and look forward to reading some more
Submission Name: War Machines
