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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Just A Kiss Awaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wildcatchamps
    ASL Info:    33 Las Vegas
    Elite Ratio:    5.42 - 47/57/34
    Words: 248
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 640
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1571



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsJust A Kiss Awaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    If you believe in what's meant to be
    And you listen to your heart
    My love will always find you
    Wherever you are

    Last night I saw you walking
    Through a dream that filled my head
    I felt the strength of my desires
    Until the sun spilled down all across my bed
    I opened my eyes and you were gone
    But this vision of you still lingers on
    Oh, how it feels so real to me

    If you believe in what's meant to be
    And you listen to your heart
    My love will always find you
    Wherever you are
    You're just a kiss
    A kiss away from heaven

    I'd know your face in an instant
    I guess you call it deja-vu
    Whatever brought us together
    keeps me in your arms, so close to you
    With every touch I lose control
    I'm burning inside, can't let you go
    This passion's a fire inside of me

    If you believe in what's meant to be
    And you listen to your heart
    My love will always find you
    Wherever you are
    You're just a kiss
    A kiss away from heaven

    Baby, it's destiny
    Now and forever
    A love that defines all space and time
    A love that makes ever joy

    If you believe in what's meant to be
    And you listen to your heart
    My love will always find you,
    Wherever you are
    You're just a kiss
    A kiss away from heaven

    Baby, kiss me




    Submitted on 2005-01-13 01:12:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I don't usually critique lyrics because the music they're set to makes such a difference. Such is the case with these lyrics. Reading it as a poem, the rhythm stumbles often, a fact that could be remedied with a syllable or two change in the lines. However, it's lyrics and you don't know from just reading how that particular rhythm goes. Maybe they fit just fine as is.

    Because it's lyrics, the repeated stanza fits as a chorus. I've no problem with that.

    I do have a question concerning the word "defines" in stanza 6. Is "defines" really what you mean or do you mean defies? "Defines" would mean that your love sets the boundaries of space and time. Defies would mean that your love ignores the boundaries of space and time. Which is it?

    You can get away with a lot more cliché in lyrics than you can in a regular poem. So, even those this really pushes the edge of cliché, it's okay for lyrics. It fits well in that genre. It's a pretty standard love song; nothing very different from what we've all heard before. I'd really suggest you spend a little more time on it and try to make it somehow different. Work on the dream aspect more or something like that. mae
    | Posted on 2005-01-13 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      A lot emotion depicted in this work, very inspired. Everyone that has lost a love still has feelings for that person, no matter where they might be. Honestly I thought this was a little too repetitive.

    "If you believe in what's meant to be
    And you listen to your heart
    My love will always find you,
    Wherever you are"

    These lines repeat themselves five times in the poem. I think you could delete one or two, it wouldn't take away from the piece at all. My suggestion would be to delete the fifth and seventh stanza. That way there is more flow and less repitition.

    Other than that, it was a good write. A little on the verge of being cliché, but not that bad.
    Oh, and also, on the second stanza, fourth line you put:

    "Util the sun spilled down all across my bed"

    I think you meant "Until".

    Hope I could be of some help. Cheers!
    | Posted on 2005-01-13 00:00:00 | by Apocalyptica | [ Reply to This ]


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