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    dots Submission Name: Stars Would Cease to Shinedots

    Author: Emma_closes
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 88/111/44
    Words: 163
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 831
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1058

       I was in a blurry music-induced daze when I wrote this. Music-induced dazes are surprisingly good poetry moments.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStars Would Cease to Shinedots

    You fell and broke your heart
    cracked it open on his fist
    like you've done so frequently
    except this time he didn't miss
    and your spread out on the floor
    wishing stars would cease to shine
    it's just not fitting anymore
    when you can't be mine
    I'm wishing just like you
    that the moon fell from the sky
    but it was just your love
    when he hit you in the eye
    everything's so different
    yet nothing here has changed
    I want to hold you tight again
    but it would drive you too insane
    just like so many songs ago
    three tracks that made you cry
    and every time you'd hear from me
    you'd only want to try
    like that lovingly descriptive
    gift engraved for you in gold
    that you choose to hate instead of me
    because it's grown too old
    and like so many others you
    lay broken on the wood
    wishing still the stars would dim
    oh how I wish they could

    Submitted on 2005-01-13 18:22:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow emma. what the hell happened to you? Or a friend. sounds like you vented a bit in this one. All is true though. I have felt this way sometimes. how can we really critique each other when we are writing from the heart. who's to say what is wrong or right.I can say i like the format of no periods or commas it's just free. Like you wrote it all while it swam out of your mind with no stopping. Pour it out on me emma. I have been printing out some of your works and reading them in my own time. we all deserve someone to take the time and contemplate and reflect on our words. thanks for welcoming us all to your mind. Luv ya
    | Posted on 2005-01-27 00:00:00 | by smalltown | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this! I think you made this with a lot of heart and truth in it. Your rhyming is great and it keeps everything in tune. Its like a dance! I have nothing at all that you could do to fix it! (I love music induced trances) LoL
    | Posted on 2005-01-15 00:00:00 | by Persephone | [ Reply to This ]
      I added this to my favorites yesterday. I had to come back and read it again ... and I HAD to comment.

    I loved this piece. The rhyme scheme was perfect and the words you used were beautiful.

    You fell and broke your heart
    cracked it open on his fist
    like you've done so frequently
    except this time he didn't miss

    That was my favorite part ... "except this time he didn't miss" ... excellent ...

    Anyway, I have nothing bad to say ... don't change a thing.

    Good Job! I look forward to reading more from you.

    Still im Cold
    | Posted on 2005-01-14 00:00:00 | by StillimCold | [ Reply to This ]

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