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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hearts on Firedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dana
    ASL Info:    23/F/Dreamland
    Elite Ratio:    3.98 - 79/87/26
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 978
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 710



    Description:
       There's time when our hearts are flaming with fire...


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    dotsHearts on Firedots
    -------------------------------------------


    We lay under the glittering sun
    Feeling the rays burning our skin
    Our souls are on fire and united as one
    Nothing can bring the fire under control

    The heat like feverish dreams
    Penetrating in our sacred souls
    Erasing our memory and thoughts
    Feelings circulating in our veins

    The heartbeats are singing their song
    About hidden secrets under the skin
    Pulsating their crimson serenade
    Creating the moments of delight

    The lustre of sun more shining bright
    Till we get lost in a dizzy splendour
    The lighting sparkling like a fire
    In the name of our desire

    by DANA 2005




    Submitted on 2005-01-14 09:32:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You express everything so well!
    "We lay under the glittering sun
    Feeling the rays burning our skin
    Our souls are on fire and united as one
    Nothing can bring the fire under control"
    I feel you descibed this well, as fire can't be controlled and there's sometimes no way to express that kind of love for someone. Gosh. I acutally really liked the entire thing.
    | Posted on 2005-01-16 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a great write, i always enjoy reading works with a lot of creative/vivid imagery in them and this one certainly had that...the idea behind it is so well portrayed by your wording, so creatively shown and lacking in awkwardness...you did a wonderful job, keep up the creative work, and i'm sorry that i don't have any helpful suggestions for you but it really is great the way it is...
    | Posted on 2005-01-15 00:00:00 | by morte | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really wonderful poem. I love the imagery you use, it's so vivid. The final stanza was the best, bringing it all to a head and drawing it together. But really, the whole thing just seemed to flow beautifully. Well done! Great read. Thanks for sharing it
    | Posted on 2005-01-14 00:00:00 | by Thrin | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this piece, the imagery is excellent, your feelings come across very well. The last stanza is my favorite, it brings everything together and finishes very smooth. Very well done!
    | Posted on 2005-01-14 00:00:00 | by The Black Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      very visual piece, i liked this line:

    The heartbeats are singing their song
    About hidden secrets under the skin
    Pulsating their crimson serenade
    Creating the moments of delight


    i liked the fire reference alot. i thought the imagery was most pleasing indeed, it took me on a journey. the places you speak of are found only in dreams. great piece.
    -Q
    | Posted on 2005-01-14 00:00:00 | by TechnoticQ | [ Reply to This ]
      this is amazing, i really understand this... i mean, there is so much imagery: We lay under the glittering sun
    Feeling the rays burning our skin
    Our souls are on fire and united as one
    Nothing can bring the fire under control

    that's my fav. keep up the good work
    | Posted on 2005-01-14 00:00:00 | by rapius | [ Reply to This ]


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