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    dots Submission Name: Deathdots

    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 767
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 498

       i felt it was more appropriate in small letters. it is mostly about dreams and how people follow them. just my opinion that seems very real. i hop you like it.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    it lies around the conner,
    to all of our dreams.
    we always run toward it,
    to acheive the fatal scenes.
    it is the final stage,
    to all of our lives.
    some get it naturally,
    some use guns or knives.
    some choose this fate,
    others get shot or killed,
    but no matter how it happens,
    our bodies are all chilled.
    each of us achieve,
    this nasty deadly fate.
    some achieve it early,
    others acheive it late.

    Submitted on 2005-01-14 12:48:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i like it as well as i like reading other peoples ideas on death dreams and all the good stuff life is made of very nice
    thanx for your comments on revenge maybe one day i will take poetry to another level
    not big on failure i guess thats why i dont
    anywaz thanx sandman
    | Posted on 2005-08-19 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      YOU SPELLED CORNER WRONG!...ok there's the only bad thing I say. Well...at least in this one you were only talking about people dying, and not how you are planning on killing them. lol, Anyway, I like this poem verymuch. Especially the part that says "We always run toward it" I don't know why, but that part stuck out at me. good job Tina...SAM
    | Posted on 2005-05-19 00:00:00 | by Samuel Bielz | [ Reply to This ]
      interesting. i like it. in one sense i think that it is short and to the point..
    but it really left me longing for me.
    delve into it. fill it with emotion. elaborate.

    "each of us achieve,
    this nasty deadly fate.
    some achieve it early,
    others acheive it late."

    this was my favorite part of the whole thing. it was just a good ending.

    but agian. the idea was great, i just want you blow me away with your discription. its more like a outline to a poem. you just have to fill it in. ;)
    i really do like it though, overall. nice job!_keep it up-
    | Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      okay, i dont really know if putting it in all in small letters would be any better but anyway... this flowed well and if the rhyme scheme was there to help, i didn't really notice it much until the very end when i spotted "fate" and "late" at the end of the lines, and then looking back through the poem, i found the others, so not immediately obvious.

    most of what you say is good poetic ability at work because i think it takes a lot to look back insided the subject you are writing about and then write about it. a lot of poems about death are written from (seemingly) personal accounts but this... this is different and definately a good write, shame about the lack of comments...

    | Posted on 2005-01-27 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]

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