[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Where the Dandelion Fliesdots

    Author: PastelSky
    ASL Info:    18/F/In the clouds
    Elite Ratio:    4.24 - 181/223/49
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 951
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 360

       This is a simple piece... I guess it's a little blunt. I feel that the poem should have some sort of greater depth with that title, for some reason. It simply has to do with going out and doing something rather than just staying in one place, overall. However, please let me know if you thought it meant something different.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhere the Dandelion Fliesdots

    Blow me away,
    and straight to the wind;
    The world will rest on my shoulders.

    But can you say,
    The Eagle flies
    while sleeping overhead?

    I'm but so light,
    A dandelion,
    Sticking closely to those like me.

    But blow me away,
    And I will fly;
    Forever I shall be.

    Submitted on 2005-01-14 15:04:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is a simple poem, but the nature of the language you use means that it is open to 'deeper' interpretations by willing readers. You obviously used free verse: no problem there as the piece drifts quite nicely...like a dandelion . The first stanza seemed to try and capture the essence of what it means to be young and curious about the world, and being oblivious to the weight of the world and the dangers therein. From there, there seemed a quantum leap to the next stanza, where I could (since I am looking out for deeper meaning) see a satirical jab at good old Uncle Sam (he never ceases to be maligned here, does he?) with the line about the Eagle sleeping while it is flying...maybe a metaphor for America closing its eyes to the rest of the world and 'flying dangerously'. From there it was back to the initial theme of the first stanza with the 'dandelion' metaphor. There was also a darker theme of mob mentality and the power of collectivism and peer pressure with the line 'sticking closely to those like me'. Finally, the last stanza seemed to conclude that even if the world does blow you away you will manage to survive and enjoy the experience- continuing the optimistic youthful theme of the piece. As I mentioned before, this is a simple piece, but you've written it in a way that can ellicit complex responses from individual readers- the same poem could mean something entirely different to you as a writer or any other reader.
    | Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by Civilian | [ Reply to This ]
      Well talk about simple! It had no meaning but you know the meaning that it had was you know...just a pretty picture, you painted a pretty picture with your words and that was good, because I am sitting in a dark hotel room and envisioning an open field filled of flowers is a good change.
    | Posted on 2005-01-14 00:00:00 | by wordslinger | [ Reply to This ]
      When you are a little pappus of dandelion floating in the clouds, how can the world be on your shoulders? Wouldn't it be under your feet? Why are you suddenly talking about eagles? Develop the dandelion more. There is all sorts of linked imagery you could use here. Dandelion seeds are in clocks, linked naturally with the passage of time and hence mortality which would link in with the last line of your poem and give it some justification.
    | Posted on 2005-01-14 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      blow me away can convey shock or surprise too... im wondering whether dandelions can feel that shock or surprise...

    anyways though this is quite striaghtforward leaving very little to the imagination i quite like it... i like the contrast between the eagle and the dandelion... both 'soaring' on the wind and yet finding completely different homes or resting places...

    good write
    | Posted on 2005-01-14 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Bond written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Every..... written by jackz
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Fasade written by jackz
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Summer written by layDsayD
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]