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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Why???dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ForsakenAngel
    ASL Info:    19/F/Arkansas
    Elite Ratio:    6.37 - 147/73/18
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/You left me
    Total Views: 1203
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 797



    Description:
       Hey yet another one from me and I know you guys/gals are just jumping right at it. No, this is for my self basically although it has happened in my life. To me yes. Well I guess you could just say that it is dedicated to my memories. I know this isn't the usual stanzas but please don't say anything about them this is how I want it to be layed out.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhy???dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tears well up in her eyes
    but she bites them back through gritted teeth,
    as she watches him walk away.

    He never looked back,
    not even once.
    He never saw her tear filled eyes.

    She stands alone in utter silence.
    No sound is made,
    except for the breaking of her heart.

    She doesn't know why.

    She stands in the rain
    looking down the road the way he left.
    Why?...
    She just doesn't understand.
    Why did he leave her?

    Fresh tears begin to form.
    She bites them back again.
    She won't cry,
    not for him, not for anyone.

    She tells herself crying is a sign of weakness and she can't afford to be weak...




    Submitted on 2005-01-15 00:04:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      damn, thats sad... I'm sorry about this too, I"m not sure if this happened to you directly, but I know that everything happening around you takes a tole on you...so,for that, I"m sorry...anyway, I have no criticizm....you may find that strange...but in my opinion...you don't have to criticize something unless it really sucks....you definetly don't really suck....so I choose to let do wat it do
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by maninthemirror | [ Reply to This ]
      That guy doesn't deserve your tears.

    This was so sad, I loved it. This is going on my favs because I know what you are going through. You took your emotions and wrote something that perfectly and beautifully depicts them, which is what good poetry is all about.

    "She stands alone in utter silence.
    No sound is made,
    except for the breaking of her heart.

    She doesn't know why."

    This part was...so sad. I mean, it really hit me in the heart to read this and know this is how you feel. Ah, it just brought me down, you know...I'm sorry this happened. I really liked this poem, I'm glad you gave me the heads up in your PM for it. I know I already said it, but again, you are very very talented, and I know if you keep it up, you will go places with writing like this.


    See ya around, cheers!
    | Posted on 2005-01-16 00:00:00 | by Apocalyptica | [ Reply to This ]
      Definately one of my favs by you, i thought the flow could use a little work but otherwise its great. I understand that whole telling yourself that crying is a sign of weakness i used to start crying over stupid [censored] and i would hit myself bc my dad taught me that crying was for girls and men who had no self pride. If you cried you weren't a man to my dad. But i also liked it for the feelings it expressed i've felt them all before keep it up, you.
    Chon
    | Posted on 2005-01-15 00:00:00 | by xPoetxBoyx | [ Reply to This ]
      i love it. simply said. well lets see. im going through what you write about at this moment. the guy i was in love with and still am in love with has left me. he moved on and walks by like i was never anything to him. when i see him and see him with other gurls i fight back the tears cause he doesn't deserve them. i wont give him the satisfaction of knowing that i cry for him everyday. i really enjoy this wirte. i think it's amazing. great job.
    | Posted on 2005-01-15 00:00:00 | by passion4poetry | [ Reply to This ]
      quite nicely written, despite the subject being overused, the title doesnt exactly shout out at you. The poem starts well, the first part is the best, then it becomes fairly predictable. The repetition of the first stanza at the end is not a great way to end as it is only repetition of what you have already said, but all in all i quite like the structural technique (except for the last line which you could do without.
    ellisa
    | Posted on 2005-01-15 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]
      A subject written about too many times, I have to say, I wish you would of chose different words to explain your emotion, to make it different friom the several others almost identical. Anyways, good attempt, and I look foward to reading more of your work, Take care, and keep writting
    Matt
    | Posted on 2005-01-15 00:00:00 | by matt73 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it. I think it having no true format makes the emotion so untouched and raw. ometimes if you concentrate on wording and rhythm you dont get the emotions out in the poem you want to release and it doesn't truely capture your feelings. I thought it was good.
    | Posted on 2005-01-15 00:00:00 | by EricJameson | [ Reply to This ]
      Let me tell you something, I am figuring there is some emotion behind this. People don't just write to write unless they are messing with formatting, and the way this is written, well...you are not messing with the formatting is what I am getting at. Crying, is not a form of weakness. If you have told yourself this, stop thinking that. Just cry and get it over with! Believe me, I've cried more times than I can count and I was crying earlier today. My grandmother has gone into the hospital tonight and is hardly breathing. I know hard times, keeping them back, fighting them off...that only leads to more trouble than you had first bargained for so...don't do that.

    I'm not sure what to say, I like the emotion behind the poem, but..I'm not really one for no hint of format ever even being intended in poetry. I figure, if you are going to write something, might as well put a little effort into it and attempt to make each line at least the same length. That's what I say though, most people her, or...well...not most, but a lot of them, write just like this. They write on their emotions and just feed them into the poem as the come. Writing it real quick and then reading over it.

    I do the same thing, but I try to keep the format and rhyme in places. It just looks better, any more people will take interest to reading it.

    Now, I am getting that this boy broke your heart. I'm curious now, I mean..how long was this relationship, was it a real close, serious one or just some...day to day school relationship?

    I'm not trying to pry so, if you don't want to tell me, don't. I know what it feels like to have a broken heart, so I am saying everything I have said off of personal experiences. My heart has cracked it's own share of times. I'm only here to help if you need a friend.

    -Me
    | Posted on 2005-01-15 00:00:00 | by Crimsonpathways | [ Reply to This ]


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