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    dots Submission Name: Separateddots

    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 87
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 820
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 556

       This is something I wrote while listening to Mudvayne, i think the angrier that I go the calmer Mudvayne made me feel, the song reminded of something I felt and out came the poem.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    You finally see defeat
    and pain glows in your eyes
    you'r to far for me to see you
    and I am to tired to realize
    that the darkness is separated
    an arrow has broken today
    you finally see the rhapsody
    and you are giving in to change
    everything from your creation
    is lost on my soul
    every bit of deception
    is goneand you don't know
    you're to far for me to save you
    I must repectfully decline
    the darkness is separated
    and giving in to light

    Submitted on 2005-01-15 11:46:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      poetry is not suppose to have anything specific thats what makes it poetry u can spell and put words however u choose that is why i like poetry so much is because noone can tell me what or how to do it
    | Posted on 2005-01-16 00:00:00 | by Serpent Slain | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought it was very good. There are a few mis-spelled words. Such as "you'r" I do believe is supposed to be"you're" and "to" right next to it is supposed to be "too" and another "to" at the tired. There needs to be a space between "goneand" and repectfully I believe is also supposed to be respectfully. I am sorry I sound like a nit-picky 3rd grade teacher but silly simple errors like that really bring down the quality of a write!
    | Posted on 2005-01-15 00:00:00 | by punkchick88 | [ Reply to This ]

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