Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Another Pill (Revised)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 830
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 487



    Description:
       I agreed with all the comments I had on this one, I took out most of the rhyme and it seems to be more serious now. Thanks to everyone who commented on the forst one.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAnother Pill (Revised)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Another pill, do I think this is cool?
    against my will
    I am another typical stranger
    but once it's put before me, this pink piece of take me away
    I have little self control and so much pain
    another pill
    its really not as it seems
    I never take to much
    but I find myself in this place again
    it's not an addiction
    just something I always give in to
    maybe I take these pills
    to get closer to you




    Submitted on 2005-01-15 12:30:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I want to like this poem but i just don't get it. If it's not an addiction, then why is it something you always give in to? And what is met ny another typical stranger? Still I feel like there is something beneath the surface, I just can't see what it is. Maybe I'll have a (several) drink (drinks) first and read it again. I still like the majority of your stuff though.
    | Posted on 2005-01-30 00:00:00 | by spoken | [ Reply to This ]
      who are you getting closer to? It kinda sends mixed feelings on addiction and pain. I do think you have deep feelings in this poem, but I think theres more that could come out. Good write
    | Posted on 2005-01-15 00:00:00 | by lindadoster | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    42209

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Cover written by saartha
    The Azores written by poetotoe
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Push written by JanePlane
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Summer written by layDsayD
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    AI written by poetotoe
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Every..... written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    untitled written by ShyOne
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry