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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In A Crowded Roomdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: loveispain
    ASL Info:    23/f/ME
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 283/198/51
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Misc/Love
    Total Views: 764
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1091



    Description:
       Just missing someone, not being able to move on. No one understanding, and just feeling very alone.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn A Crowded Roomdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In a crowded room
    I am alone
    I know they are there
    I sense their presence
    They think that I am there with them too
    They don't know that in my mind
    I couldn't be farther away
    They don't know that
    While they laugh
    Here I cry
    That my smiles are fake
    And my laughs are forced
    You cannot call what I'm doing
    Living
    My spirit is dead
    My will, my hope, my faith, my reason
    Are gone
    In a crowded room
    I am alone

    In a crowded room
    I hear no noise
    People speak
    And I hear your voice
    I hear the deafening pounding in my head
    The steady rhythmic beating of my heart
    Pulsating only for you
    So that is why in a crowded room
    I hear no noise

    How can it be?
    It doesn't seem right
    You'd think the pain in my eyes
    Would somehow be shown
    But it's not
    And I guess that's why
    In a crowded room
    I am so so alone




    Submitted on 2005-01-15 16:33:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like what you have done with this poem! Your words enspire the masses and I hope to read many more from you. Thanks Kelley
    | Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem is so emotional, to lose love and be surrounded off from the rest of the world, that's the way i feel, except ive never lost nebody cuz ive always been single...and lonely forever, great imagery represented here
    | Posted on 2005-01-15 00:00:00 | by rapius | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you should start the poem at the second verse and pretty much eliminate the first verse or maybe incorporate the best lines into the rest of the poem because it gets much better starting with the second verse-in my opinion of course and I am not an expert but I just like the sound of your poem from then on and not really before. It's a good poem though, definitely. The feelings are genuine and your word choices are very good. Just my suggestions for improvement!
    | Posted on 2005-01-15 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      [[In a crowded room
    I hear no noise
    People speak
    And I hear your voice]]

    my absolute favorite lines...so simplistic, yet so incredibly true. great show of the feeling of emptiness and describing those moments when you just want to be at home by yourself because its painful to have to fake it for the happy people around you. really good job on this :)
    sophie
    | Posted on 2005-01-15 00:00:00 | by sudie | [ Reply to This ]
      I really felt this poem. I know exactly what you feel, i go through it everyday and its hard ...anyways i liked the imagery you showed thru this poem and just thought id tell u i can relate and ur not alone in feeling alone
    good job
    ~rhen
    | Posted on 2005-01-15 00:00:00 | by rhen | [ Reply to This ]
      awesome job. one of the oldest, most common, most powerful feelings in the world: lonliness. a feeling of being surrounded by unfeeling strangers. great imagery. well done.
    | Posted on 2005-01-15 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]


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