What are you on about? This part doesn't suck but I do think the other parts would have a hard time matching this. I love the title, and I expected it to be mentioned a few times, if not less, but I was gladly proved wrong. Now it may only say "machine gun eyes" once, but the rest of the write it centred around that theme which is why I think this "piece" is very nicely constructed. Very nice indeed.
i have to say that i like this. i think that you hav said it all in this little piece. you could leave it as is or when you think of more things like this add it to it. well good work. lia
Machine Gun Eyes~~~ That is the greates thing ever. I love this piece so much. I love how your things are so simple but so much raw emotion. Great write
You kiddos are so violent these days. *tsk tsk* Oh well - I blame it on MTV. Actually, though, what you have got here is a neat, nifty, and tightly packed little metaphor. It's not feather quality - I don't even think it is ribbon quality - but that's only because there is not enough of it. This passed by like some weird thought - you know, like de ja vu, but without the buzz - and then faded. It could have benifitted from something stronger; something to hold the entire thing together. What I need is the rest of this before I make my final judgement - and if it is as bad as you say then revise. I'm sure you could slap something in there. I could. Will you do that for me? For your old Eggman?
Submission Name: machine gun eyes
