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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: machine gun eyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nameless_nobody
    ASL Info:    18 in a few days.
    Elite Ratio:    4.38 - 333/421/67
    Words: 22
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 1093
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 164



    Description:
       had more but i thought the rest of it sucked even worse than this bit.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmachine gun eyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Armour piercing tears,
    Dripping from cheeks,
    Tearing at flesh as they splash,
    Hail of salty bullets,
    From your machine gun eyes.




    Submitted on 2005-01-16 10:56:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      What are you on about? This part doesn't suck but I do think the other parts would have a hard time matching this. I love the title, and I expected it to be mentioned a few times, if not less, but I was gladly proved wrong. Now it may only say "machine gun eyes" once, but the rest of the write it centred around that theme which is why I think this "piece" is very nicely constructed. Very nice indeed.
    | Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      i have to say that i like this. i think that you hav said it all in this little piece. you could leave it as is or when you think of more things like this add it to it. well good work. lia
    | Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      Machine Gun Eyes~~~
    That is the greates thing ever. I love this piece so much. I love how your things are so simple but so much raw emotion. Great write
    | Posted on 2005-05-11 00:00:00 | by ashlee_jane2003 | [ Reply to This ]
      this sounds like the beginning or maybe the chorus to a song.. you should work with it a bit more, I bet it would turn into an awesome song!
    | Posted on 2005-02-07 00:00:00 | by ViCiOuSWrItEr | [ Reply to This ]
      You kiddos are so violent these days. *tsk tsk*
    Oh well - I blame it on MTV. Actually, though, what you have got here is a neat, nifty, and tightly packed little metaphor. It's not feather quality - I don't even think it is ribbon quality - but that's only because there is not enough of it. This passed by like some weird thought - you know, like de ja vu, but without the buzz - and then faded. It could have benifitted from something stronger; something to hold the entire thing together. What I need is the rest of this before I make my final judgement - and if it is as bad as you say then revise. I'm sure you could slap something in there. I could. Will you do that for me?
    For your old Eggman?
    | Posted on 2005-01-19 00:00:00 | by Eggman | [ Reply to This ]


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