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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Gonedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: loveispain
    ASL Info:    23/f/ME
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 283/198/51
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Misc/Love
    Total Views: 979
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 940



    Description:
       Just knowing something is bad for you, and knowing in your heart that you need to forget, and your feelings need to be gone. It's just not as easy as you thought it would be.


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    dotsGonedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Not here anymore
    Gone
    Never coming back
    Gone
    Lost for good
    Gone
    Disappears forever
    Gone

    Gone is final
    Nothing lingers
    Nothing stays on
    Nothing to capture your heart
    Steal your soul
    There is no love to drown in
    No air to suffocate you
    Gone
    No smile to take you in
    No voice, no music, no nothing
    The tears don't exist
    And pain can no longer be felt
    No eyes to get lost in
    Nothing that can hurt you
    Gone

    When will it all go away
    Go and stay away
    I begged for it to come
    And now i beg for it to go
    I want it
    Gone

    Not here anymore
    Gone
    Never coming back
    Gone
    Lost for good
    Gone
    Disappears forever
    Gone
    Everything I felt for you
    Almost...
    Gone.




    Submitted on 2005-01-16 16:10:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think you have a knack for writing things with alot of emotion. You seem to write from your heart, which seems broken here. I loved it. In time, Yes...in time you will look back and wonder was the sucker who did this worth any of your tears? And then laugh your ass off at his stupidity!
    Maggie
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      pretty much like what i've been through recently,
    feeling of not wanting to feel at all..
    no longer wanting it to stay..
    no longer needing it..
    honest words :)
    | Posted on 2005-03-24 00:00:00 | by LeF | [ Reply to This ]
      You have the making of a really great poem here,but your repetitiveness so hurts your message and the overall feel of it. Please revised this poem,it could be so awesome.

    Good luck

    Keep writing and I will keep reading
    | Posted on 2005-01-17 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      A bit lyrical, I think...wouldn't make a bad song. The word gone drove me nuts by the end of this but it was pretty good nonetheless.
    | Posted on 2005-01-16 00:00:00 | by pyrestarter | [ Reply to This ]
      it was a bit repetitive on the 'gones' ...altho i kinda like it in there too...how u had 'gone' right after each line gave it an effect but at same time the word was overused...im nto sure if im making sense lol but either way good write and i can relate that theres feelings u just need to erase from ur heart to move on with life but its so hard to erase them...
    | Posted on 2005-01-16 00:00:00 | by rhen | [ Reply to This ]
      you never ever want it to go away. please tell me that, because when its gone you realize how much you want it. Need it. i love the poem.
    | Posted on 2005-01-16 00:00:00 | by melancholypoet | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a nice piece. Though the repetition gives your poem a funny feeling. Maybe if you stop repeating the word gone you will give you poem a better feeling.
    Though I don't seem to understand the 4th stanza, you say you wanted it gone, but then again you say you want it back. Make that stanza a bit more precise.
    Though your emotions are clearly shown, which is a good thing. Keep this up, and you'll be cool.

    Writer Chic
    | Posted on 2005-01-16 00:00:00 | by Writer Chic | [ Reply to This ]
      To push away and emotion as deep as this is not an easy thing and in the long run the struggle to quench it might be more painful that to live it to it's end...

    I like you peom but i think i might be a bit to repetative with the gones. But the rest you have made perfectly clear, good write.
    | Posted on 2005-01-16 00:00:00 | by Jakirina | [ Reply to This ]


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