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pining away

Author: runaway_poet
ASL Info:    21/m/limbo
Elite Ratio:    6.2 - 42 /41 /21
Words: 79
Class/Type: Poetry /Broken
Total Views: 1058
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 436


this is baisicly two side poem i wrote when i caused the one i love to question her love for someone else i apolgize for how short it is but i hope you enjoy it

pining away

Time is pining just like me

im lost in love not ment to be

i wished to spread my wings a scream "im free!'

but it wont happen no sunset over my crymson

so your bags are packed and your ready to go

i feel like im standing on death row

for the pain i caused you the life i owe

its time for me to reap what i sew

Submitted on 2005-01-17 09:46:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I felt the thought behind it, but I felt the poem went on the surface, like it wasn't the felt emotion. it was just actions and easy written. But I loved the thought of how i could've ended PS: You wrote you are; your, but it's you're instead. You also wrote know instead of now.
In the sentence "...Wings a scream..." I believe you meant to write "...wings AND scream..."? Anyway, I'm sorry if I seem negative I only want to help... good luck further on...
| Posted on 2005-02-17 00:00:00 | by ablast | [ Reply to This ]
  that was very beautiful, very short like you said but that's ok, i think you got hte feelings across pretty well. if you add more you could probably make it better but if you don't wish to it's fine just the way it is.
| Posted on 2005-01-17 00:00:00 | by kc | [ Reply to This ]

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