[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: pining awaydots

    Author: runaway_poet
    ASL Info:    21/m/limbo
    Elite Ratio:    6.2 - 42/41/21
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Poetry/Broken
    Total Views: 896
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 436

       this is baisicly two side poem i wrote when i caused the one i love to question her love for someone else i apolgize for how short it is but i hope you enjoy it

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotspining awaydots

    Time is pining just like me

    im lost in love not ment to be

    i wished to spread my wings a scream "im free!'

    but it wont happen no sunset over my crymson

    so your bags are packed and your ready to go

    i feel like im standing on death row

    for the pain i caused you the life i owe

    its time for me to reap what i sew

    Submitted on 2005-01-17 09:46:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I felt the thought behind it, but I felt the poem went on the surface, like it wasn't the felt emotion. it was just actions and easy written. But I loved the thought of how i could've ended PS: You wrote you are; your, but it's you're instead. You also wrote know instead of now.
    In the sentence "...Wings a scream..." I believe you meant to write "...wings AND scream..."? Anyway, I'm sorry if I seem negative I only want to help... good luck further on...
    | Posted on 2005-02-17 00:00:00 | by ablast | [ Reply to This ]
      that was very beautiful, very short like you said but that's ok, i think you got hte feelings across pretty well. if you add more you could probably make it better but if you don't wish to it's fine just the way it is.
    | Posted on 2005-01-17 00:00:00 | by kc | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]