pining away

Author: runaway_poet ASL Info:    21/m/limbo Elite Ratio:    6.2 - 42 /41 /21 Words: 79

Class/Type: Poetry /Broken Total Views: 1032 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 436

Description:

---

pining away

---

Time is pining just like me im lost in love not ment to be i wished to spread my wings a scream "im free!' but it wont happen no sunset over my crymson sea so your bags are packed and your ready to go i feel like im standing on death row for the pain i caused you the life i owe its time for me to reap what i sew

Submitted on 2005-01-17 09:46:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_< 2: I dunno... 3: meh! 4: Pretty cool 5: Wow!

Comments

I felt the thought behind it, but I felt the poem went on the surface, like it wasn't the felt emotion. it was just actions and easy written. But I loved the thought of how i could've ended PS: You wrote you are; your, but it's you're instead. You also wrote know instead of now. In the sentence "...Wings a scream..." I believe you meant to write "...wings AND scream..."? Anyway, I'm sorry if I seem negative I only want to help... good luck further on...

| Posted on 2005-02-17 00:00:00 | by ablast | [ Reply to This ]

that was very beautiful, very short like you said but that's ok, i think you got hte feelings across pretty well. if you add more you could probably make it better but if you don't wish to it's fine just the way it is.

| Posted on 2005-01-17 00:00:00 | by kc | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest. 2. Try not to give only compliments. 3. How did it make you feel? 4. Why did it make you feel that way? 5. Which parts? 6. What distracted from the piece?

7. What was unclear? 8. What does it remind you of? 9. How could it be improved? 10. What would you have done differently? 11. What was your interpretation of it? 12. Does it feel original?

42476