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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: For Bendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ViCiOuSWrItEr
    ASL Info:    18/Female/Desolate
    Elite Ratio:    3.97 - 890/865/108
    Words: 126
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 903
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 783



    Description:
       I wrote this for my baby while he was away... I love you Ben.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor Bendots
    -------------------------------------------


    Love
    a tired face looks up at me
    and dies a little
    as each kiss
    forces on a million more
    and I have you cupped firmly
    in the palm of my hand
    like the bud of a baby rose
    that cried dew onto my skin
    while lying asleep in the meadow.
    I strip you naked
    peeling each petal from your stem
    kissing each velvet treat
    to the floor
    and using you
    begging for more
    I love you
    hold me once more.
    You look down at me
    with that tired face
    as I dress you back up
    each vien perfectly laced.
    Violets and Orchids rest lazily
    in the sun
    filled around me
    but only a rose could smell so sweet.
    I love you
    only you.




    Submitted on 2005-01-17 13:04:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      WOW I really like this poem it tells a lot... I hope all works out with you and your boyfriend... My boyfriend lives like 3000 miles away from me but I am moving in with him soon... I really do like your poems though
    it has a lot of meaning to it
    ~*Becca*~
    | Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by __B3cca__ | [ Reply to This ]
      this ben dude must be one hella lucky guy! lol. i like this write. especially the comparisions you make with flowers. (especially the part where you say

    "Violets and Orchids rest lazily
    in the sun
    filled around me
    but only a rose could smell so sweet.")

    it also seems kinda apologetic, cause you say:

    "and using you
    begging for more"

    kinda suggesting that you think it's draining everything from you, but you still need his love. loved the rose part too.

    on the whole a real nice write. ben must be pretty lucky to have you.

    Zuheir.
    | Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a lovely poem to your man. Very sexy and romantic. I love how you speak of him as if he was a rose. Something about that is just really good, maybe because he is a man and we dont tend to think of men as flowers, but I really like how you did in this poem. I can tell you have strong feelings for this guy and I hope he is back in your life now? It sucks when you love someone and they are away and you cant see them for a while. It can drive you crazy but then when they return...oooooh la la! haha! Very nice poem you have here. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful
    This is a heartfelt poem where you laid it all on the table
    I can tell Ben is a big part of you and always will be
    He is lucky to have you in his life
    Take Care
    Ron

    And thank you for your recent comments
    My litttle sister will always be a part of me and I thank my Lord every day for her
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      "I strip you naked
    peeling each petal from your stem"

    what a wonderful vision those lines paint. Excellent use of discriptions that aren't a "yea heard that one before" type of context.
    | Posted on 2005-01-17 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      A tender show of emotion... using the images of flowers and petals is very unique and touches the reader more deeply. Sublime tenderness and love... My fav lines are:

    "and I have you cupped firmly
    in the palm of my hand
    like the bud of a baby rose
    that cried dew onto my skin".

    Beautiful poetry!
    | Posted on 2005-02-26 00:00:00 | by sugar-n-spice | [ Reply to This ]


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