Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: For Bendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ViCiOuSWrItEr
    ASL Info:    18/Female/Desolate
    Elite Ratio:    3.97 - 890/865/108
    Words: 126
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 911
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 783



    Description:
       I wrote this for my baby while he was away... I love you Ben.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFor Bendots
    -------------------------------------------


    Love
    a tired face looks up at me
    and dies a little
    as each kiss
    forces on a million more
    and I have you cupped firmly
    in the palm of my hand
    like the bud of a baby rose
    that cried dew onto my skin
    while lying asleep in the meadow.
    I strip you naked
    peeling each petal from your stem
    kissing each velvet treat
    to the floor
    and using you
    begging for more
    I love you
    hold me once more.
    You look down at me
    with that tired face
    as I dress you back up
    each vien perfectly laced.
    Violets and Orchids rest lazily
    in the sun
    filled around me
    but only a rose could smell so sweet.
    I love you
    only you.




    Submitted on 2005-01-17 13:04:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      WOW I really like this poem it tells a lot... I hope all works out with you and your boyfriend... My boyfriend lives like 3000 miles away from me but I am moving in with him soon... I really do like your poems though
    it has a lot of meaning to it
    ~*Becca*~
    | Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by __B3cca__ | [ Reply to This ]
      this ben dude must be one hella lucky guy! lol. i like this write. especially the comparisions you make with flowers. (especially the part where you say

    "Violets and Orchids rest lazily
    in the sun
    filled around me
    but only a rose could smell so sweet.")

    it also seems kinda apologetic, cause you say:

    "and using you
    begging for more"

    kinda suggesting that you think it's draining everything from you, but you still need his love. loved the rose part too.

    on the whole a real nice write. ben must be pretty lucky to have you.

    Zuheir.
    | Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a lovely poem to your man. Very sexy and romantic. I love how you speak of him as if he was a rose. Something about that is just really good, maybe because he is a man and we dont tend to think of men as flowers, but I really like how you did in this poem. I can tell you have strong feelings for this guy and I hope he is back in your life now? It sucks when you love someone and they are away and you cant see them for a while. It can drive you crazy but then when they return...oooooh la la! haha! Very nice poem you have here. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful
    This is a heartfelt poem where you laid it all on the table
    I can tell Ben is a big part of you and always will be
    He is lucky to have you in his life
    Take Care
    Ron

    And thank you for your recent comments
    My litttle sister will always be a part of me and I thank my Lord every day for her
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      "I strip you naked
    peeling each petal from your stem"

    what a wonderful vision those lines paint. Excellent use of discriptions that aren't a "yea heard that one before" type of context.
    | Posted on 2005-01-17 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      A tender show of emotion... using the images of flowers and petals is very unique and touches the reader more deeply. Sublime tenderness and love... My fav lines are:

    "and I have you cupped firmly
    in the palm of my hand
    like the bud of a baby rose
    that cried dew onto my skin".

    Beautiful poetry!
    | Posted on 2005-02-26 00:00:00 | by sugar-n-spice | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    42503

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Cover written by saartha
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Love written by saartha
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Carry written by saartha
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry