Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

For Ben


Author: ViCiOuSWrItEr
ASL Info:    18/Female/Desolate
Elite Ratio:    3.97 - 890 /865 /108
Words: 126
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1558
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 783



Description:


I wrote this for my baby while he was away... I love you Ben.


For Ben



Love
a tired face looks up at me
and dies a little
as each kiss
forces on a million more
and I have you cupped firmly
in the palm of my hand
like the bud of a baby rose
that cried dew onto my skin
while lying asleep in the meadow.
I strip you naked
peeling each petal from your stem
kissing each velvet treat
to the floor
and using you
begging for more
I love you
hold me once more.
You look down at me
with that tired face
as I dress you back up
each vien perfectly laced.
Violets and Orchids rest lazily
in the sun
filled around me
but only a rose could smell so sweet.
I love you
only you.




Submitted on 2005-01-17 13:04:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  WOW I really like this poem it tells a lot... I hope all works out with you and your boyfriend... My boyfriend lives like 3000 miles away from me but I am moving in with him soon... I really do like your poems though
it has a lot of meaning to it
~*Becca*~
| Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by __B3cca__ | [ Reply to This ]
  this ben dude must be one hella lucky guy! lol. i like this write. especially the comparisions you make with flowers. (especially the part where you say

"Violets and Orchids rest lazily
in the sun
filled around me
but only a rose could smell so sweet.")

it also seems kinda apologetic, cause you say:

"and using you
begging for more"

kinda suggesting that you think it's draining everything from you, but you still need his love. loved the rose part too.

on the whole a real nice write. ben must be pretty lucky to have you.

Zuheir.
| Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a lovely poem to your man. Very sexy and romantic. I love how you speak of him as if he was a rose. Something about that is just really good, maybe because he is a man and we dont tend to think of men as flowers, but I really like how you did in this poem. I can tell you have strong feelings for this guy and I hope he is back in your life now? It sucks when you love someone and they are away and you cant see them for a while. It can drive you crazy but then when they return...oooooh la la! haha! Very nice poem you have here. Take care.

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-11-18 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Beautiful
This is a heartfelt poem where you laid it all on the table
I can tell Ben is a big part of you and always will be
He is lucky to have you in his life
Take Care
Ron

And thank you for your recent comments
My litttle sister will always be a part of me and I thank my Lord every day for her
Ron
| Posted on 2005-11-11 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  "I strip you naked
peeling each petal from your stem"

what a wonderful vision those lines paint. Excellent use of discriptions that aren't a "yea heard that one before" type of context.
| Posted on 2005-01-17 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
  A tender show of emotion... using the images of flowers and petals is very unique and touches the reader more deeply. Sublime tenderness and love... My fav lines are:

"and I have you cupped firmly
in the palm of my hand
like the bud of a baby rose
that cried dew onto my skin".

Beautiful poetry!
| Posted on 2005-02-26 00:00:00 | by sugar-n-spice | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



42503