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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: This Poem of a Facedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: secret moon
    Elite Ratio:    6.54 - 687/427/57
    Words: 218
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1137
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1473



    Description:
       What do y'all think. . . ?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis Poem of a Facedots
    -------------------------------------------


    pen-stroke
    falling calm and collected into its allotted space
    yet one can’t help
    but wonder
    at the intimate connection between the curvature of the half-letter
    and the distinctive arc of an eyebrow

    this poem of a face!
    held tighter to my soul than any profusion of rhyme and verse
    here is writ, and here reflected , the profound confusion
    of a more than multifaceted mystery;
    so much must I call to remembrance (though more to forgetfulness)
    that it cannot be helped
    to sometimes despair:
    my efforts to encompass the riddle of you – in vain?!
    yet, perchance, one of the moments still of the morrow
    shall reveal the deepest fathoms of your soul
    to one of such shallow bearing as this

    . . . too much of sunlight and shade
    in that single, undeservèd smile
    that such a mortal mind as mine is rendered helpless
    in the overwhelming task of comprehension
    but to write of the very same –
    less of a challenge
    though, by happenstance, more of a threat to my Self?
    nevertheless, on this paper shall I find emancipation
    although I weave my own enslavement
    and while you are my momentary condemnation
    you will someday be
    my salvation.




    Submitted on 2005-01-17 16:49:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey secret moon ;0)

    Nice poem ;0) I really enjoyed reading it, because the rhythm is so smooth and it is so nice to see how carefully you placed your words. I just enjoyed reading it ;0) I especially liked:

    “here is writ, and here reflected , the profound confusion
    of a more than multifaceted mystery”

    and

    “a mortal mind as mine is rendered helpless
    in the overwhelming task of comprehension”

    a mortal mind, in the overwhelming task of living, trying to grasp the world ,0) nice ;0)

    and

    “although I weave my own enslavement
    and while you are my momentary condemnation
    you will someday be
    my salvation.”

    I think if you removed the “and” in and while…, it would make the rhythm even more interesting ;0)

    Nice work ;0)

    Keep writing ;0)

    KNS
    | Posted on 2005-04-14 00:00:00 | by KNS | [ Reply to This ]
      like I already said. you definitely have it. a beautiful poem and very deep I must say. you're how old? by the way, how do you put in accents and italics-I must be somewhat technically impaired.
    | Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Just rock my wig off why dont you. Secret, in all honesty this is your best write EVER. I was absolutely amazed by your structure and word choice, it really knocked the socks of me. *tear* you're moving up in the poetry world without me...

    The only thing I had any conflict about in this pieec is the middle stanza. I dont even know what happened in that stanza because I was lost in your words. They were excellent yes, but they create sucha cloud of wonderment you lose the meaning behind them.

    Overall though, EXCELLENT piece. This was like, out of this world.

    -Kayla
    | Posted on 2005-01-20 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      this seemed very free-thought. I like the questions, images, descriptions. It was interesting how you rhymed emancipation, condemnation, and salvation in the last stanza. Its a subtle rhyme, yet it seems to pull the lines together. I didn't like the use of italics in the second stanza, although "wonder" was nice with the hint of emphasis. Another thing I didn't like was the "?!" after vain. I think the question mark would have been sufficient and using both punctuation makes it seem a little silly. I loved how you put an accent mark on "undeserved;" I certainly didn't see any meter scheme, but the word itself somehow takes on a special meaning with the emphasis on the "-ed". I liked how personal this poem was, like the reader was hearing your thoughts in their mind.
    | Posted on 2005-01-19 00:00:00 | by dreamexandra | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this piece very much. At first I had tears in my eyes. You put the feeling across beautifully and elegantly. Let the paper war begin! Hundreds of comments to you, you suffered good.
    | Posted on 2005-01-17 00:00:00 | by Shea Comet | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, that was...wierd, sort of like Matrixy, and that is the truth, lol. I enjoyed the first part, the last part I didn't pay attention too. And I've never compared a half-letter to an eyebrow. I liked the first part, though. The second part was like trying to be wierd but just came out sort of stupid to me. I don't know why, it just made no sense.
    | Posted on 2005-01-17 00:00:00 | by wordslinger | [ Reply to This ]


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