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Grammy and Pappy

Author: folletti
ASL Info:    20/f/US,PA
Elite Ratio:    6.08 - 22 /21 /7
Words: 382
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 1027
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 2523


I wrote this sometime in November, just after my pappy died. Bash it if you like.

Grammy and Pappy

my dad
jingles the car keys,
offering to let me drive,
like it’s still some kind of treat.
and I pretend I’m still a child,
for a while,
and accept.
mirthless laughter inside
at how obvious he is.
he’s too weary to drive,
at night in the rain,
so to try and get me to do it,
he makes it a game.

rain in december.
I’ve never seen a winter this warm.
like my granddaddy’s heart
just won’t let the ground freeze.
the roads are water covered
looks like black glass
occasional slip of the wheels
but I’m in control
of this at least

there’s snoring behind me
beside me
there’s only black in front of me
even my high beams can’t kill that kind of dark
and I’m not driving to her deathbed
no. it’s not her deathbed.
the only light is behind me
headlights of another car
so close I need to squint
and the rain gets harder
it wakes them up
both startled they were sleeping
and we pull in the parking lot

I know how to get here
by heart
I know every bump of every road
yet I don’t know how
to get to grams and pappy’s house
it creeps me out how comfortable I am here
I know where each and every bathroom is
the cafeteria, the vending
I know where I can pace
without being reprimanded,
and where I can’t
their florescent lighting
it does something to people
I realize
it makes people look more dead
but grams isn’t dying

her bedclothes
are the same color his were
three weeks ago now
when he was here
and she was ok
and he was almost ok
and then he fell

and later they tell me
grammy’s dying of a broken heart
and all I can think
is how suiting
how sad
but it wouldn’t be right differently

she is serene
she didn’t need them to tell her
she knew she was dying
and she would have it no other way
she followed behind him for 60 years
watching his step
watching him fall (three times)
so now she’ll leave daddy and me
to follow him again

Submitted on 2005-01-17 21:01:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Hey. I figured a comment was in order. (Plus, I've got nothing better to do during Web Development...) You know that I adore this poem, but if you'd like a few suggestions, here you go. For this poem, I'm not sure I like the capitalization at the beginning of every line. I'd either capitalize only at the beginning of the sentence:

My dad
jingles the car keys,
offering to let me drive,
like it’s still some kind of treat.

Or forgo capitalization entirely. The piece is kind of quiet if you know what I mean, and all that capitalization is sorta overpowering. *shrugs* Just a thought.

The poem is gorgeous as a whole, but you have a couple bits that really stand out.

"I’ve never seen a winter this warm.
Like my granddaddy’s heart
Just won’t let the ground freeze."

Their florescent lighting
It does something to people
I realize
It makes people look more dead"

Really great stuff. A suggestion: Ending stanza three with the time seems really awkward to me. I have no idea why. I'd either change the line to "It's/At 7:33" or bring the time to the next stanza. If you made it the opener of stanza four, the line would suggest you were entering the hospital and glancing at the clock. As it is, the time just sorta sits on the page. Again, that's just my opinion; take it for what it's worth.

The repetition in stanza four really works... Normally, I don't like the "refrain" kinda feel, but it really draws the reader into your head somehow; I love that.

And the ending's flawless. What can I say?

Anyways, I think this is one of your best. It's so personal, and by the end of the poem, I feel both happy to have been a part of it and slightly guilty for intruding.

Sure beats indifference.

| Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by WingstoFly | [ Reply to This ]
  very poignant piece of writing. how could anyone bash this? it is very tender and descriptive. she died of a broken heart... that is sad, but it happens to a lot of older couples who follow the other into the afterlife.

| Posted on 2005-01-17 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  it makes me feel mildly forlorn... for something... I get the feeling this is a ture personal thing and bashing it would make nothing. but i will say i like how you managed your not so good feelings on the matter and reigned them into this. Its a substantial piece of work that should be marveled at. The picturesqueness of it... such a simple topic in new... bold and flourescent light
| Posted on 2005-01-17 00:00:00 | by BuryThisLie | [ Reply to This ]

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