Grammy and Pappy
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Description:
I wrote this sometime in November, just after my pappy died. Bash it if you like.
Grammy and Pappy
my dad jingles the car keys, offering to let me drive, like it’s still some kind of treat. and I pretend I’m still a child, for a while, and accept. mirthless laughter inside at how obvious he is. he’s too weary to drive, at night in the rain, so to try and get me to do it, he makes it a game. rain. rain in december. I’ve never seen a winter this warm. like my granddaddy’s heart just won’t let the ground freeze. the roads are water covered looks like black glass occasional slip of the wheels but I’m in control of this at least there’s snoring behind me beside me there’s only black in front of me even my high beams can’t kill that kind of dark and I’m not driving to her deathbed no. it’s not her deathbed. the only light is behind me headlights of another car so close I need to squint and the rain gets harder it wakes them up both startled they were sleeping and we pull in the parking lot 7:33 hospitals I know how to get here by heart I know every bump of every road yet I don’t know how to get to grams and pappy’s house hospitals it creeps me out how comfortable I am here I know where each and every bathroom is the cafeteria, the vending I know where I can pace without being reprimanded, and where I can’t hospitals their florescent lighting it does something to people I realize it makes people look more dead but grams isn’t dying yet her bedclothes are the same color his were three weeks ago now when he was here and she was ok and he was almost ok and then he fell and later they tell me grammy’s dying of a broken heart and all I can think is how suiting how sad but it wouldn’t be right differently she is serene she didn’t need them to tell her she knew she was dying and she would have it no other way she followed behind him for 60 years watching his step watching him fall (three times) so now she’ll leave daddy and me to follow him again |
Submitted on 2005-01-17 21:01:37 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| Hey. I figured a comment was in order. (Plus, I've got nothing better to do during Web Development...) You know that I adore this poem, but if you'd like a few suggestions, here you go. For this poem, I'm not sure I like the capitalization at the beginning of every line. I'd either capitalize only at the beginning of the sentence: My dad jingles the car keys, offering to let me drive, like it’s still some kind of treat. Or forgo capitalization entirely. The piece is kind of quiet if you know what I mean, and all that capitalization is sorta overpowering. *shrugs* Just a thought. The poem is gorgeous as a whole, but you have a couple bits that really stand out. "I’ve never seen a winter this warm. Like my granddaddy’s heart Just won’t let the ground freeze." "Hospitals Their florescent lighting It does something to people I realize It makes people look more dead" Really great stuff. A suggestion: Ending stanza three with the time seems really awkward to me. I have no idea why. I'd either change the line to "It's/At 7:33" or bring the time to the next stanza. If you made it the opener of stanza four, the line would suggest you were entering the hospital and glancing at the clock. As it is, the time just sorta sits on the page. Again, that's just my opinion; take it for what it's worth. The repetition in stanza four really works... Normally, I don't like the "refrain" kinda feel, but it really draws the reader into your head somehow; I love that. And the ending's flawless. What can I say? Anyways, I think this is one of your best. It's so personal, and by the end of the poem, I feel both happy to have been a part of it and slightly guilty for intruding. Sure beats indifference. Licious | Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by WingstoFly | [ Reply to This ] | very poignant piece of writing. how could anyone bash this? it is very tender and descriptive. she died of a broken heart... that is sad, but it happens to a lot of older couples who follow the other into the afterlife. | ~Shalom | Posted on 2005-01-17 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ] | it makes me feel mildly forlorn... for something... I get the feeling this is a ture personal thing and bashing it would make nothing. but i will say i like how you managed your not so good feelings on the matter and reigned them into this. Its a substantial piece of work that should be marveled at. The picturesqueness of it... such a simple topic in new... bold and flourescent light | | Posted on 2005-01-17 00:00:00 | by BuryThisLie | [ Reply to This ] | |
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