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    dots Submission Name: falling indots

    Author: jermwerm
    ASL Info:    26/m/FRESNO CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.29 - 203/268/83
    Words: 159
    Class/Type: Deep Thought/Depressed
    Total Views: 1244
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 920


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    dotsfalling indots

    I sit around all of days.My mind obscerd by heavy clouds.
    They drop wet rains in my reality,
    and stop the sun from shinning down.

    I lay around all of nights.Nightmares are my moonless dreams.
    The sky cannot push away the rains
    the storm that haunts in me.
    Turnning grey I'm all alone.
    My heart and soul they they ran away
    the rains they just drown my mind
    This storm fades me with decay.My soul my heart, I will not search for, for I will only find my death, I'll lose my mind upon the journy,
    and my body will rot as it will rest
    I give up the sunshine rays.They can't reach a soul that is not there.

    I give up all my love.Theres no heart when no one cares.
    I give up the search for them,
    The search I'll never start.
    I give up all my mind,
    and now I fall apart

    Submitted on 2005-01-18 04:22:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I can really feel the anquish and emptiness in this poem. I like the use of clouds and rain as your images too. "My body will rot as it will rest", I like that line too. This reads like somebody that's really ready to give up on everything, but for what reason? Over all a good write.
    | Posted on 2005-02-01 00:00:00 | by spoken | [ Reply to This ]
      "...I give up the sunshine rays.They can't reach a soul that is not there..."

    That almost struck a tear upon my face. I like this but yet again im confused about the meaning anf the point that you were trying to get across to your readers. Is it about the girl? Or does it have to do with her? Maybe after everything your heart and soul just isnt in it anymore...in it as in life? or going on? or maybe i dont know.

    I think it has some spelling errors...one i think?

    Overall good job.

    Think about the book thing..lol..seriously tho.
    | Posted on 2005-02-01 00:00:00 | by PookiezBookie | [ Reply to This ]
      i believe the end was ment to say now i fall apart not "now i all apart", over all great write i hope u continue to write poetry u seem alrite at it, and id like to see more, good job
    | Posted on 2005-01-19 00:00:00 | by obsidiandreams | [ Reply to This ]

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