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    dots Submission Name: Poor Childdots

    Author: ARCHIE
    ASL Info:    37 YOA Male in Africa
    Elite Ratio:    2.44 - 90/126/40
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 858
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 802


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPoor Childdots

    Poor child
    so self alone
    fantasied with pain
    ripped imagination deep
    and lost to ramble
    with no sleep
    Deep inside the others dreams
    lost to all thats real it seems
    past the point of coming back
    a poem silenced
    a track turned black
    born in wealth of nations great
    born to eat the birthday cake
    born to silver spoon through life
    and yet feels lonely full of strife
    Oh child of modern days gone wrong
    stop singing on that mournfull song
    listen to me and hear my prayer
    that you should see whats over there.
    Cause over there the others lie who have excuse
    to mourn and cry
    who sit in filth and lie in pain
    oh would that they could eat again.

    Submitted on 2005-01-18 04:39:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The poem seems to head a bit off track towards the end. The start was definitley excellent. I'll have to agree with Cordell here, Less Is More...

    When I write a poem I generally believe that when I can't think anymore on the feelin that brought this poem about. It's time to stop.

    If you keep rambling on you could lose the readers attention...

    | Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by River | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm this is where the case "Less is More" Started reading it and halfway through started yawning! Okay poem however got lost on that long ass line at the bottom, has to restart that line and force myself to put it together! Other then that it's nice but remember the key words Less is More... Peace
    | Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by Cordell | [ Reply to This ]

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