This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -
 

Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

"South Dakota"


Author: painofthanatos
Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 684 /571 /86
Words: 166
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 660
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1023



Description:


A friend had purchased some Southern Comfort as a christmas gift, and well, we were talking about it and didn't want her dad to know so it began to be called "SC" and in the middle of the night in my clearest state of mind - hehe, i said south dakota was waaay cooler then south carolina and so it came to be known as such. And the state of mind we were in became known as being in South Dakota. *giggles*
Childish Fun


"South Dakota"



I wonder how long this feeling of euphoria can last
Probably as long as I stay in South Dakota
All of these emotions but I can't feel a thing

We're giggling at my inability to walk a straight line
We're smiling as we smother each other in sharpies
When we run out of spaces on our back
We move on to your pants
I've never seen spongebob look more peculiar

You say you've got to smoke
But we can barely walk to the door
We try code names to add to your fathers oblivion
But I think in the end he finally caught on


South Dakota's such a wonderful place
Made all the more glorious by your presence
I'm so glad to be here with you

And now that I've forgotten most of that night
I'm doing my best to keep the marker in place
And I'm pulling at my mind not to forget
All the wonderful times that we've shared




Submitted on 2005-01-18 09:58:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  It's good to see you smiling and laughing in a poem, we all need a south dakota night once and awhile, just to destress. With saying that, I actually don't drink,never really got in to it, only because i think whiskey taste like crap,lol same with smoking, I hated the first time I tried and choked like crazy and said that's not for me.

Now I can understand people having fun drinking,but I hate drunks.

I am far from perfect and actually in my family I am the black sheep,but they love me for the way I am.

Very good write
| Posted on 2005-04-08 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
  hey painofdeath, wow, love this poem. first of all because sothern comfort is my drink, soco on the rocks, that's it for me (a small tribute to janis joplin). and second of all it's just really well written! i have one critique: "But I think in the end he finally caught on" that line doesn't seem to fit. all the other lines have a poetic ambiguity that lends to the drunken feeling, but that line seems too obvious, too "sober". just my thoughts.
trey
| Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
  Neycourt... i love it... i wish i went to south dakote more often... they have COWS! I especially like the way you manage to write the way your friendship together manages to... stay mostly intact. Last time i was drunk i had loads of fun... gotta love Kokda when ur God... or maybe satan but SC is loadsa fun too. I wish i could help yall be together for... ummm more than forever (since forever is only a short time). But in poetic response... Spongebob ALWAYS looks pecilualar. And strangly the giggling is so... something i expect... its not up to your normal standards...but it's still goodness. Laters!
| Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by BuryThisLie | [ Reply to This ]
  interesting... almost amusing.. I can just picture you stumbling around drunk and stuff. it brings a smile to my face... not in a sick sortof way but in a glad you had so much fun kinda think. I think... but ya the poem was pretty cool. there seemed to be no real rhyme scheme which is good because rhymes schemes can be sorta boring and the words seemed to fit. the best part about the whole piecer was your choice for the title south dakota. that's cool. maybe I'll name something of mine quebec or alberta... I like it alot that was refreshing.
| Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by bleedbroken | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



42624