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    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 619
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 691


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    Always being told what to do.
    Don't speak
    You can't say that
    Do this for me.
    Yet you want me to love you and respect you.
    Fuck you
    I'm been told
    I'm going to fail for my whole life
    and you wonder I grab the knife
    and slice myself up.
    yet tomorrow is going to be a different day
    Tomorrow keeps my hopes up
    but keeps me from what I really want to do.
    people say suicide is
    a cowardly way out
    it isn't really when your always
    been called a coward for no reason
    I try to look forward
    to tomorrow
    and hope tomorrow is a different day.

    Submitted on 2005-01-18 11:08:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Monyana Amigo!

    Your poem is very much a vent about the despair of a young person. I enjoyed the continual thought of tomorrow, I'm a fan of repetition and recurrent themes. I try not to counsel as I am here to read poetry. But to esteem you for your work' sake, I think this is one of the better, "I'm so depressed and I'm going to top myself poems".

    Here's why...It shows a writer who is at the beginning of finding a resource in himself. Throughtout the poem, the write states that he is being told to do things, and is being called a coward. But in the kicking back in the "[censored] you" line. We find that the poem will shift into the idea of tomorrow. I enjoyed the way there are no definite hopes for tomorrow, but that the hope is in tomorrow itself. In the idea, if you like that things will be different in time. Life and situations are continually changing. It's the learning and the things we keep which is inportant.

    I liked the idea of wondering about suicide. The writer hasn't made the statement, but is making a genuine consideration about it. Suicide to my mind is never right, but that's a whole different argument. I have seen what it does to families and individuals, and although not cowardice, it is in any case a waste. No matter your beleifs, religion or culture. We are only garuanteed this one life, to give that away at fifteen, is quite simply a waste. To never achieve, or prove wrong, or become something other than a statistic and a weapon against those who love you. There's always one person...Take care mate, an keep writing...
    | Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by Sanny | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved your poem. It was awesome. It burst out and you said exactly what you meant to say. It annoys me when people comment on suicide like it is a cowards decision. If they knew how bad the world hurt they wouldn't say such things. I'm not gonna tell you how to rewrite your poem because I feel it is already great. I just wish that you find peace within and that tomarrow for you is a better day.
    Blessed Be!
    | Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by Sarah Leger | [ Reply to This ]

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