Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 589
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 691



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Always being told what to do.
    Don't speak
    You can't say that
    Do this for me.
    Yet you want me to love you and respect you.
    Fuck you
    I'm been told
    I'm going to fail for my whole life
    and you wonder I grab the knife
    and slice myself up.
    yet tomorrow is going to be a different day
    Tomorrow keeps my hopes up
    but keeps me from what I really want to do.
    people say suicide is
    a cowardly way out
    it isn't really when your always
    been called a coward for no reason
    I try to look forward
    to tomorrow
    and hope tomorrow is a different day.




    Submitted on 2005-01-18 11:08:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Monyana Amigo!

    Your poem is very much a vent about the despair of a young person. I enjoyed the continual thought of tomorrow, I'm a fan of repetition and recurrent themes. I try not to counsel as I am here to read poetry. But to esteem you for your work' sake, I think this is one of the better, "I'm so depressed and I'm going to top myself poems".

    Here's why...It shows a writer who is at the beginning of finding a resource in himself. Throughtout the poem, the write states that he is being told to do things, and is being called a coward. But in the kicking back in the "[censored] you" line. We find that the poem will shift into the idea of tomorrow. I enjoyed the way there are no definite hopes for tomorrow, but that the hope is in tomorrow itself. In the idea, if you like that things will be different in time. Life and situations are continually changing. It's the learning and the things we keep which is inportant.

    I liked the idea of wondering about suicide. The writer hasn't made the statement, but is making a genuine consideration about it. Suicide to my mind is never right, but that's a whole different argument. I have seen what it does to families and individuals, and although not cowardice, it is in any case a waste. No matter your beleifs, religion or culture. We are only garuanteed this one life, to give that away at fifteen, is quite simply a waste. To never achieve, or prove wrong, or become something other than a statistic and a weapon against those who love you. There's always one person...Take care mate, an keep writing...
    | Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by Sanny | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved your poem. It was awesome. It burst out and you said exactly what you meant to say. It annoys me when people comment on suicide like it is a cowards decision. If they knew how bad the world hurt they wouldn't say such things. I'm not gonna tell you how to rewrite your poem because I feel it is already great. I just wish that you find peace within and that tomarrow for you is a better day.
    Blessed Be!
    | Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by Sarah Leger | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    42629

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Linger written by saartha
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Bond written by saartha
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Chelebel
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry