as I imagined it

Author: Sundance ASL Info:    20/F Elite Ratio:    3.28 - 15 /32 /11 Words: 100

Class/Type: Poetry /Misc Total Views: 923 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 680

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as I imagined it

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standing in the corner he watches they push you down as they bind you to the ground saying not to worry love "I'm here" they can't hurt beating and scarring its all a blur close your eyes see him there, for you, not leaving without you don't feel, pain he takes away reassuring your place with him hold on just a bit longer a few more minutes you'll see him there he'll hold you tight. kissing away tears and fright forget all thats left behind close your eyes sleep sweet dreams no more pain

Submitted on 2005-01-18 14:30:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

this is good .. as dead and dreaming said.. to tell you the truth i have something on my mind i really want to write so im just giving comments.. (yea im a bastard) im new to eliteskills also.. my writting is similar to yours but they are more.. poem oriented.. whatever that might mean.. like i said before alot of underlieing meaning.. allows for broad ranges of speculation xo, jon

| Posted on 2005-03-24 00:00:00 | by DreamSyndicate | [ Reply to This ]

man, for a non-poem this is intense. Very powerful. Since you're not looking for feedback, I won't give any. I will however ask you for a favor...could you maybe try and write some more of this non-poetry stuff?

| Posted on 2005-02-11 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]

I can't comment on this. It caught me a bit offguard. Unlike all the news reports, you've captured it all in words, but in a good way. Write the pain away. You've started here so keep going. I think she's happy that you imagined it this way. It's my personal belief that she didn't feel any pain. The God you and I know is much too merciful for that. It's okay to grieve and mourn. I don't expect that it's an emotion that will go away easily. I don't have many words of consolation because if I did I'd use them on everyone, myself included. Everytime it comes back into my mind I just tell myself that she's at peace now, no pain, so suffering, just peace and happiness.

| Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by Memphis | [ Reply to This ]

This is very creative, great usage of words to create visual imagery. I love it! Keep writing poetry like this, you are boundto get excellent feedback.

| Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by lost_escape | [ Reply to This ]

I know that your not expecting feedback. but I had to say something.. this piece is awesome... you choice of words was amazing and it almost made me cry which is a good sign... I loved it to pieces... I wish you would write some more because I think this is one of the most touching and influenctial pieces that I've read in a long time... truely amazing I don't think anybody could have made this piece any better... good job

| Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by bleedbroken | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest. 2. Try not to give only compliments. 3. How did it make you feel? 4. Why did it make you feel that way? 5. Which parts? 6. What distracted from the piece?

7. What was unclear? 8. What does it remind you of? 9. How could it be improved? 10. What would you have done differently? 11. What was your interpretation of it? 12. Does it feel original?

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