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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Admissiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lost_escape
    ASL Info:    16/f/tx
    Elite Ratio:    2.37 - 44/60/23
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 337
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 999



    Description:
       I know the ryhme scheme is a litle off. I wrote this last night, i am being indecisive about men in general, which ones i want and don't want. Tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Admissiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    She can lie her way through anything,
    Watch a hopeless man fall in love,
    Deny everyone who denies her.
    And still thinks she's going above.
    She finds what others want to see
    Discovers their every desire
    Mimics those actions effortlessly,
    And never looks like a liar.
    But once she has you wanting her,
    She's gone in the blink of an eye,
    She'll confuse and control in rapacity
    All just because of a lie.
    A lie that made you "fall in love"
    Or want to rekindle a feeling,
    But all you are to her is an orange,
    An orange fit for peeling.
    She will find your sore spots
    And on those she plays
    Plays off your guilt and your heartace
    This will go on for days and days.
    Then she gets bored, gets rid of the man
    Finds a new victim for fun,
    But she'll never be happy in these circumstances
    For soon, they all will be done.




    Submitted on 2005-01-18 16:02:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is my evil side. Thought no one would understand that part of me. Due to past hurt and rejection. I have become the black widow spider and I love every moment of the chase and capture. Only to those who try to hurt me though. I would never do and innocent. Bad ju-ju. I like this definition of the inconstant woman.
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by smalltown | [ Reply to This ]
      This was fun your writing style is similar to mine, when I'm writing poetry for fun rather than emotion. I -love- the rhyme scheme, I find it easy to read and I think it suits this poem very well. There've been hundreds of songs/poems/rants written about this kind of woman, so I won't credit you with originality, but the directness of the poem is very appealing. Criticism - "This will go on for days and days" - I feel like you've used repetition too obviously as a fallback to fit in with the rhythm and rhyme of the next line, and I'd make more of an effort to change that. Personally, the orange metaphor grated a little, it just seemed a little random - 'you are an orange'. Other than that, there isnt much I can criticize :)

    Xaphy
    | Posted on 2005-01-19 00:00:00 | by Xaphy | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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