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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ever Turningdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Di Re Rakord
    Elite Ratio:    3.56 - 130/125/30
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 929
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 565



    Description:
       This is more of a random thoughts thing but i tried to put them into poetry. I hope you like it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEver Turningdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The world goes round and round,
    and who the hell are you?
    The universe cannot be bound,
    by all the words of shit you spew.

    Life goes on, it is never ending,
    itís fragile and hangs by a thread.
    Yours will stop but itís a new beginning,
    now you must live in the land of the dead.

    Love is always there no matter what its for,
    it is fickle and may steal your beating heart
    Love consumes all for the one you adore,
    yet in the end you and your love will be forced apart.




    Submitted on 2005-01-18 16:29:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It was alittle unstructured, but I completely disagree with Josh. I have the same theories on love. Its useless, fickle, selfish, jealous, you know, all of the above. It is a bit to random in certain aspects, but nothing that a little tinkering couldn't fix. Just re-read it and see what doesnt FLOW. I dont know, I enjoyed it. Just some of the words didnt really... make sense? Im sure they do to you, just put them in a sort of order that works for everyone, not just yourself.
    Long time no see buddy! Im off to comment some more
    -Andrya
    | Posted on 2005-01-20 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]
      its totally and completely devoid of theory, construct or logical thinking, and this always isnt a good thing. your total lack of organization of your thoughts here made a diffucult to read peice. I tried so many times to give you the benefit of the doubt, but if the thoughts seem to have no thought process than can be worked through. You tried at many spots to make a precious and worked through point, but it lacked depth and build up to it, and thats all i say for constructive criticism. You need to have organization, and even with random thoughts and prose writing, or any sort like that, theres a definite plan and executed thought process that helps others to understand, and you to maybe stay on a topic, and keep fleeting thoughts that can get tired and rhetoric out, and unordinary poetry in. Great start id say, but id say never be happy with it
    | Posted on 2005-01-19 00:00:00 | by Josh | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that you did an awesome job putting these random thoughts together, however, I think it could do without the profanity, however, that is just my opinion. I liked your rythmn and cadence though, it was almost soothing to read, despite the meaning hidden in side. I read your plea for readers in the shoutbox and I thought I'd give you a try! now, plaese read one of mine! :D
    have an awesome day!
    ~Amanda
    | Posted on 2005-01-19 00:00:00 | by AmandaLyn | [ Reply to This ]


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