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    dots Submission Name: my childdots

    Author: wildchild
    ASL Info:    19/f/northwest
    Elite Ratio:    4.48 - 307/268/27
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1584
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 739


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsmy childdots

    a tiny infant
    barely grown
    holds out her hands
    towards the light

    her mother's breast
    leans down from above
    lending all the strength and love
    dry those tears, all is well

    a father's bristly beard
    scratches his daughter's soft cheek
    as he gives a farewell kiss
    the man's tear splashing silently

    an angel's sigh with soft regret
    the child will leave behind
    a small wish of lingering.
    she doesn't even have a name

    is there a divine plan?
    will this sad family ever be?
    prayers and hopes go out
    to that tiny child,

    who left without me.

    Submitted on 2005-01-18 16:39:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww....................... This is so sweet! It is a great piece of work, keep up th e writing!

    | Posted on 2006-05-10 00:00:00 | by jslbabygirl101 | [ Reply to This ]
      Amazing. It is heart-wrenching. I couldn't put myself in anyones place, I felt as though if I did, I might break down. I have lost people very close to my heart, but never a child...I believe losing a child would be the hardest thing. I don't think I would be able to go on, unless there were other children who needed me.

    It makes me think of a little thing I read on abortion, although not completely against it, I was torn up afterward. It was from the babies point of view, up until the termination.

    I am assuming you do not have any children, and with that assumption I am giving you kudos on writing such a believable poem.

    | Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by I Exsist | [ Reply to This ]
      um. i think you're good. it's not just about emotions. i dunno. there's something more of it. maybe the passion. i really dunno. but i think you're really good. you write not just because you want to. haha. [that is so punk rock] ahaha. keep it up.

    <i know that the comment guidelines said that our comments shouldn't only be composed of complements...but i think you're really good (: >
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by eixia | [ Reply to This ]
      A really touchimg poem
    This write brought tears to my eyes
    I got the feeling from your last line that you were writing about what would have been a twin brother or sister
    I may be wrong but I didnt get that feeling until reachimg your last line

    Once again a fantastic write

    Take Care
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
    sad is

    all i can sady except great job
    4 sum reezon i liked this one...
    but I dont get al of it...

    still keep it up!

    | Posted on 2005-10-26 00:00:00 | by Avril54 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is such a touching piece and it was really sad. My grandmother lost a child but back then it was quite common for children to die(at least in india). But the pain is always still there. I loved the last stanza a lot. It shows u the hopelessness and pain after the death of a dear one. Im not sure i understood the first stanza because it seemed to me that the child was alive so u might want to make that a little clearer but its completely ur call. It really shows how deep a mothers love is(even though that probably wasnt the intended message).This goes on my fav list
    respecting you
    | Posted on 2005-10-22 00:00:00 | by Gautam | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Bon and I don't want you to get mad at me, but I like your other stuff better. This is sad and really touching and you know how I feel about things with litte children being hurt in anyway. But if I were to be bius to my feelings this is great! I'll pick you up in the morning. Oh and don't forget to do English homework!
    | Posted on 2005-01-20 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      I read this one before you put it on here. Very powerful and sad. You have a real knack for speaking to people's hearts in your writings. Keep it up. Job well done! Bonnie
    | Posted on 2005-01-20 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
      This was sad. Made me feel like crying terribly. If this really happened I'm sorry. It...this poem just touched me...the loss of a child is a great pain like no other...
    | Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      this was touching (i know everyone else is saying that, but it is). my mom lost a child, and i know that it ate her up inside for a long time. its a horrible thing to have to go through.
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by floating_pain89 | [ Reply to This ]

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