my child by wildchild

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Submission Name: my child dots

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Author:	wildchild
ASL Info:	19/f/northwest
Elite Ratio:	4.48 - 307/268/27
Words:	102

Class/Type:	Poetry/Longing
Total Views:	444
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	739

Description:

my child dots

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a tiny infant
barely grown
holds out her hands
towards the light

her mother's breast
leans down from above
lending all the strength and love
dry those tears, all is well

a father's bristly beard
scratches his daughter's soft cheek
as he gives a farewell kiss
the man's tear splashing silently

an angel's sigh with soft regret
the child will leave behind
a small wish of lingering.
she doesn't even have a name

is there a divine plan?
will this sad family ever be?
prayers and hopes go out
to that tiny child,

who left without me.

Submitted on 2005-01-18 16:39:22 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww....................... This is so sweet! It is a great piece of work, keep up th e writing!

JEssica
| Posted on 2006-05-10 00:00:00 | by jslbabygirl101 | [ Reply to This ]
  Amazing. It is heart-wrenching. I couldn't put myself in anyones place, I felt as though if I did, I might break down. I have lost people very close to my heart, but never a child...I believe losing a child would be the hardest thing. I don't think I would be able to go on, unless there were other children who needed me.

It makes me think of a little thing I read on abortion, although not completely against it, I was torn up afterward. It was from the babies point of view, up until the termination.

I am assuming you do not have any children, and with that assumption I am giving you kudos on writing such a believable poem.

Kitty
| Posted on 2006-01-24 00:00:00 | by I Exsist | [ Reply to This ]
  um. i think you're good. it's not just about emotions. i dunno. there's something more of it. maybe the passion. i really dunno. but i think you're really good. you write not just because you want to. haha. [that is so punk rock] ahaha. keep it up.

<i know that the comment guidelines said that our comments shouldn't only be composed of complements...but i think you're really good (: >
| Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by eixia | [ Reply to This ]
  A really touchimg poem
This write brought tears to my eyes
I got the feeling from your last line that you were writing about what would have been a twin brother or sister
I may be wrong but I didnt get that feeling until reachimg your last line

Once again a fantastic write

Take Care
and
God Bless
Ron
| Posted on 2005-11-03 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  sad!
sad is

all i can sady except great job
4 sum reezon i liked this one...
but I dont get al of it...

still keep it up!

~CinnamonT~
| Posted on 2005-10-26 00:00:00 | by Avril54 | [ Reply to This ]
  This is such a touching piece and it was really sad. My grandmother lost a child but back then it was quite common for children to die(at least in india). But the pain is always still there. I loved the last stanza a lot. It shows u the hopelessness and pain after the death of a dear one. Im not sure i understood the first stanza because it seemed to me that the child was alive so u might want to make that a little clearer but its completely ur call. It really shows how deep a mothers love is(even though that probably wasnt the intended message).This goes on my fav list
respecting you
gautam
| Posted on 2005-10-22 00:00:00 | by Gautam | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree with Bon and I don't want you to get mad at me, but I like your other stuff better. This is sad and really touching and you know how I feel about things with litte children being hurt in anyway. But if I were to be bius to my feelings this is great! I'll pick you up in the morning. Oh and don't forget to do English homework!
| Posted on 2005-01-20 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
  I read this one before you put it on here. Very powerful and sad. You have a real knack for speaking to people's hearts in your writings. Keep it up. Job well done! Bonnie
| Posted on 2005-01-20 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
  This was sad. Made me feel like crying terribly. If this really happened I'm sorry. It...this poem just touched me...the loss of a child is a great pain like no other...
~BCute
| Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
  this was touching (i know everyone else is saying that, but it is). my mom lost a child, and i know that it ate her up inside for a long time. its a horrible thing to have to go through.
| Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by floating_pain89 | [ Reply to This ]

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