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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Frosty Souldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dana
    ASL Info:    23/F/Dreamland
    Elite Ratio:    3.98 - 79/87/26
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Alone
    Total Views: 1322
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 936



    Description:
       Well, it was written after one late lonely walk through the cemetery, it was really cold&dark&scary, so I got the inspiration from that, but I guess you can surely find some deep thought in this poem!


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    dotsFrosty Souldots
    -------------------------------------------


    The wind is playing with her hair, with her dark curls
    In the moonlight looking like they’re made from pitch
    Her cheeks feeling the coldness, the touch of winter’s hand
    Many lights of lanterns looking like stars in the sky
    Looming through the slim, naked trees in front of her eyes
    The darkness of cemetery and the whispers of leaves
    Make her tremble like an aspen leaf, she’s wrapped in fear
    The tears start falling down over the grave, creating a puddle
    She's choking with her salty tears, freezing with her fears
    The winter like a wizard turning everything into the flakes of snow
    Her fingerstips so deadly pale seem to crash and fall
    The winter is turning her into the sculpture of ice and snow
    She’s too lost in frost, she’s craving for the warmth
    Come and melt her frosty soul! It's not frozen yet.

    © by DANA 2005




    Submitted on 2005-01-18 16:51:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hi dana('tis me, elsa). this one's really nice, I fell for it. your english is really good, the way you play with the language and the words.

    Looming through the slim, naked trees in front of her eyes
    The darkness of cemetery and the whispers of leaves

    ^that one really sent the chills through me spine. the naked trees and the whispers of leaves gave me a strong picture of something really familiar, but don't know what. got the same kind of feeling when reading HIM-lyrics, and that's pretty good;) to me the whole poem was really fluent and beautiful. almost comperable(spelling, aye?)with valo's lyrics, but still it's more-you.
    | Posted on 2005-01-22 00:00:00 | by _taateli_ | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good. I got a picture, mainly black and whites with some deep blues from this. I'm not exactly a big fan of gothic stuff, usually seems to deal with self mutilation and suicide, but this one hits hard likening lonliness to being cold. No one likes to be either one.
    Good work,
    HWKI
    | Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by HWKI | [ Reply to This ]
      Dana, this is a nice poem. You state you come from Latvia. Is English a second language for you then? If so, this is not just a nice poem - it's a great one. There is a typo to remove (lantern not latern) and I'm wondering about the effectiveness of "pitch" as a simile. It's black enough, but it's also smelly and sticky. Don't you have ebony, ravens, or the depths of space in Latvia? You've also managed to have the trees both naked and clothed in whispering leaves at the same time. "Choking" is awkward because it seems to refer to the puddle, the closest possible subject. Simply replace ity by "she chokes" and all is well. I love your ending, the alluring invitation there. Ah, if only I were 40 years younger, I'd answer the call!
    | Posted on 2005-01-18 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      wow- this was very tickling to the senses... i really enjoyed what you've done with what could have rounded out to being cliché... i peeked at a few of your writings, and found that you are very much to my taste... i am going to stalk you. here i come! :) and- you say you're from Latvia, and taateli is from finland... do you guys have to translate all your comments to your native language to read them? and translate your poems from your language to english? if so, then, damn... that takes some patience, i'm sure- kudos. i was just wondering. kicka$$ poem grrrl. thanks for the read- you'll be seeing more of me- :) *md*
    | Posted on 2005-03-05 00:00:00 | by MerryDeath | [ Reply to This ]


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