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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: CANCERdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Lee
    ASL Info:    29/F/South Africa
    Elite Ratio:    4.57 - 55/54/14
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 238
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 558



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


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    dotsCANCERdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Concealed deep underneath your skin
    I stretch my arms along your spine
    And devour all life I find within

    Raging forest fire, I leave my trail
    Trying to abort me, like an unwanted child
    My power goes beyond you and I will never fail

    I feel your energy weaken as I'm gorging through your cell
    My vine will crush your brain soon
    And for mercy you would yell

    I feel your heart beat
    I feel your fear

    Don't be scared now
    Your God is near




    Submitted on 2005-01-19 05:18:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Powerful ending. Something so sinister using something so comforting in that way. A wonderful peice with great imagry. 20 style points to you. Just one little thing, don't be afraid of punctuation, it can be a great companion. ;)
    ~ Uriel
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by Uriel | [ Reply to This ]
      i feel that the rhyming a-b-a scheme worked quite well and the last 2-line stanzas remined me of a heartbeat.
    The last line- i guess it sounded ambiguous- like cancer is sent from Satan and God could do notihng to help..because if he could then he wouldnt have let the person suffering to die.. i dont know

    neon
    | Posted on 2005-04-18 00:00:00 | by neonlights | [ Reply to This ]
      what a difficult poem to read. my mother has been battling cancer for 5 years. this poem sounds so thematically similar to ones i have written about her. and at the end, "Your God is near", i'm wondering if your intentions were for that line to be disheartening, ambiguous, or comforting. to me it was comforting. well done.
    | Posted on 2005-01-19 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]



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