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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ghetto Childdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: River
    ASL Info:    17/F/New York
    Elite Ratio:    2.84 - 26/37/14
    Words: 216
    Class/Type: Poetry/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 281
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1207



    Description:
       Please...comment...


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    dotsGhetto Childdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Listen up and you will hear a story
    A fairy tale, one that’s rather gory.
    It’s about an unwanted child, born and not understood,
    Raised by the fosters, brought up in the hood.
    I wanted to be a doctor but the teachers told me no,
    a basketball player, but life wouldn’t let me grow.
    Every day’s a drive-by, where bullets are shot,
    So used to it, I no longer duck when she the gun pops,
    Moms filled up with so much drugs, we just watch and stare,
    When mom shoots or sniff, we don’t even care,
    Daddy’s been gone 12 years and that’s how she relieves stress,
    But if mommy’s all doped out, when does mother know best.
    I saw daddy beat mommy like she was a whore,
    And so many men the same, all before the age of 4
    My 12 year old sister is pregnant for 40 year old mike,
    My 15 year old brother sells drugs, and takes the pipe
    Not knowing right from wrong, spins my head round and round
    Living in this place, makes me feel like I’m already 6 feet under ground.
    Forget what everyone else says I’m going to be a star
    Because I know who I am and you should find out who you are




    Submitted on 2005-01-20 05:52:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I grew up in a project...sorta. I was sheltered a bit and though I knew the conditions of the neighborhood I lived in, I used that as an oppourtunity to rise above the expected Bull[censored] and make them fools see that they can't put me down. I use my writing a an out. I write my best when [censored] goes wrong, that's when I have the most passion.
    I say all this to say that use the negativity in you from the [censored] you've gone through to fuel you own personal flame and rise above the standard that was set so low for you. Prove them all wrong and become one of the few "hood" successes the government hates to see. You have raw talent but when you are writing re-read what you have written for clarity cuz you made a lot of typo's.
    Good Luck, and keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-01-20 00:00:00 | by Chi-Town Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      "So used to it, I no longer duck when she the gun pops,"

    That doesn't sound right at the end...I think you forget HEAR. When she Hears the gun pop.

    "My 12 year old sister is pregnant for 40 year old mike"

    That doesn't sound right either, maybe you from FROM 40 year old Mike?

    I personally like this because I grew up in the projects both here in Kentucky and Jacksonville, Florida. It's funny because people don't think Kentucky is a violent place, yet almost all projects are violent and full of drugs. I think they got the name "projects" because it was a project that the government was doing with poor people. Put them all together and let them kill each other. I love your ending though, very positive and TRUE. It's awesome that you know who you are and I have no doubt that you can become a star if that is what you want.

    The beginning was a little weak as far as they rhyme but you turned it around about half way though. I really like the lines:

    "Daddy’s been gone 12 years and that’s how she relieves stress,
    But if mommy’s all doped out, when does mother know best. "

    It's funny how all you ever hear is respect your parents, but when your parents beat each other, do drugs, and don't really take care of ya, how are you suppost to respect them?

    I think you did a great job with this, keep writing. :D

    Sharky
    | Posted on 2005-01-20 00:00:00 | by Sharkspeare | [ Reply to This ]



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