Your a wonderful writer, thats who you are (smile) I enjoyed reading this poem! As always you know how to keep the reader reading.
Great write!!! Thanks for sharing.
Kelley Frost
To me you are a beautiful creation from the Lord Your special gift he gave you is your writing You capture a lot of emotion and really get the reader into your very mind with your writes That is a gift Great Write Ron
And thanks for the recent comments I am really glad you liked my poetry I will be looking for more of your writes God Bless Ron
Each time I read your work I see you getting a better grasp on your poetry. I think, as has been pointed out in the other comments, that using the correct english is still a little bit of a drawback. I haven't said anything about that before because I must work hard myself on my native language and you obviously have command of more than one, and I admire that tremendously. Keep up the great work and don't let anything stop you from your growth as a very good poet. diamond
you make a riddle type of ending... huh! hehehe the imagery is wonderful... "crystal palace of winter, arms of glorified summer, I am old but still youthful Bit joyless bit tearful" thos elements brings life to the wholeness of your craft... again great job... and thank you for inspiring me very much...
I like what you are saying here, that you are a part of nature, as we all are. However, I find some of your phrases a bit awkward. And I guess we know why so maybe this will help a bit
I am a little girl in a lonely land Admire rain, but not sand
Since you started this phrase with "I am" and didn't have a period at the end of the first line then the "I am" carries through to the next line as well so it should read
I am a little girl in a lonely land Admiring rain, but not sand
to use "admire" you would have to be saying "I admire" - I am the most beautiful of God’s made creature A part of nature
In this phrase creature should be plural as you are saying that you are the most beautiful of all.
If you want creature to remain singular perhaps you could rephrase it to say
God made me his most beautiful creature A part of nature
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I sleep endless in the crystal palace of winter Stand naked in the arms of glorified summer
Endless here should be endlessly
This phrase surely captures the imagination, very well done. -
I have depth deeper than the blue see Have a secret in my heart and a black key
"See" is with the eye, "sea" is the ocean.
-
I am old but still youthful Bit joyless bit tearful
Does this mean that you are sad all the time? Joyless meaning having no joy. I'm not sure if you mean you have a little joy and a little sadness. If so it might read
"A bit joyful, a bit tearful" -
Are we supposed to guess who you are?
Or are you telling us who you are?
You have an interesting way of expressing even though I don't always understand.
I loved this poem, i re-read it many times and I like the imagery it presents. The crystal winter, that was awesome, it shows winter as a beautiful delicate thing and I that you did really well with this.
i like this... it makes me believe what are we all? especially if we don't respect nature... I mean, it's fun to play God, but you can't actually be him, right? great right, thanks for the enthusiasm
Well, that was very interesting! I always like to read nature poems because it's all peaceful and quite, and meanigful of course (like this poem).
The poem is well written and very well presented too, the words chosen totally suit the way the poem was written, and the flow was good but not great!
I also want to point out a spelling mistake in the 9th line or you can say the 1st line 5th stanza if we considered it is divided in to stanzas (eventhough I don't think so), anyway it's "I have dept deeper than the blue see" And it should be "depth" I think.
You started the poem with a good begining "I am a little girl in a lonely land Admire rain, but not sand "
And you also ended the poem with a good ending "Finale"
"I am old but still youthful Bit joyless bit tearful "
And I also liked the image you created in the lines saying "I sleep endless in the crystal palace of winter Stand naked in the arms of glorified summer" I think that's a very good image that's very well presented.
I forgot to talk about the tittle which is "Who am I?" and that was a very well chosen tittle too because it captures the attention and when you read the poem you will find out how convinient this tittle is.
The last line in the poem where you say "So who am I?" makes me wonder if there's a certain obscure meaning for this poem that has nothing to do with nature! I don't know but I hope you inlight me about that.
Anyway I hope that my comment was somehow helpful to you and I'll end by saying Good poem and keep it up.
Submission Name: Who am I?
