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The Voice

Author: Oli
ASL Info:    23/F
Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 206 /211 /53
Words: 183
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1273
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1195


This is a small dipiction of what it would be like to be in my head. It's a little wierd but I like it. I hope you do to. Let me know what you think.

The Voice

I am the voice inside your head.
Do this.
No. Do this,
or you might end up dead.

If you don't do this,
your sister might die.
But if you do that,
someone might cry.

Make sure you check the stove,
befor you leave the house
Bucause if gas leaks, it's your fault
you stupid louse!

Don't let people touch you.
Don't let them get close.
Even though you want it,
you shall think it is grose.

You will never have peace
cuz I'll always be there,
telling you to do things
cuz I really don't care.

when you're in a small room
and nothing is wrong
you will want to get out
you can't be there too long.

To many people,
all in one place.
You start to breathe fast.
You become a nut case.

Maybe you're crazy.
Thats what I think.
Now you think it too.
You are crazy and you stink.

I am the voice inside your head.
I will not rest untill you are dead!

Submitted on 2005-01-20 15:31:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I loved it, that is so true sometimes. I go with the same thoughts in my twisted self. While most times the voice is my mom telling me to stop being a dumbass or something. I really enjoyed reading your works and look forward to seeing more.
| Posted on 2005-04-18 00:00:00 | by Snowball_24 | [ Reply to This ]
  wow... I don't even know what to say about this one.. it was so deep and personal, I really liked it, the words fit perfectly and the emotion was right there for everyone to see,, but it wasn't being shoved in my face. I can't belive that you feel that way.. it makes me want to cry... this was truely amazing.
| Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by bleedbroken | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the imagery a great deal, but I think the rhyming scheme made some forced word choices that just didn't sound right. For example "befor you leave the stupid louse". I loved the meaning behind so much of this that I think it would be well served by discarding the rhyme scheme and just picking the best word for the job. :) Great poem, I enjoyed it!
| Posted on 2005-01-20 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
  within the realm of possible insanity? to me it painted a picture of a battle within, as if the indivduale is fighting a mailic within its self like a rage that has made its self known. a force so crual, a fiend whos sole purpose is to damge
4 fours i really like it this being the end rhyme you have used is great but non the less it is a common thing.
| Posted on 2005-01-20 00:00:00 | by one who rages | [ Reply to This ]
  How many of us have this battle daily. I know I do. I went on a short trip to a big city and my ride was late. I was sooo nervous and that little voice made it no better. Soon I began to sweat. I did think I was crazy until I read this write. Maybe I am but atleast I know I am not the only one. emotion evoked...understanding.
| Posted on 2005-02-21 00:00:00 | by smalltown | [ Reply to This ]
  well, first i want to say that i personally really liked this poem. it is kind of creepy, but i know that voice, it is in my head too. i really think i am going insane sometimes...but it is weird, the voice is only me, and the one inside your head is only shouldnt prohibit you from doing things that you want to do...but it is weird i know. anyways, a suggestion, it sounds as if you are trying just a little too hard with the rhyming. i am saying this in the nicest way possible (i am incapable of being mean, and if i am being a little too harsh, i am sorry). Most of the rhymes are actually good, but some seem a little uncomfortable...if a rhyme doesnt work, dont use it, just write freely, it will be more artistic. i have this problem too, when i am writing a rhyming poem, i try too hard with the pattern and forget about the meaning of the work itself. ok, well just some suggestions... write from your heart, cause from what i can see, you've got a great one! bye!
| Posted on 2005-02-26 00:00:00 | by trmbngrl | [ Reply to This ]

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