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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Back of My "I"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Geremy Smith
    ASL Info:    20/M/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    5.79 - 171/145/23
    Words: 219
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1225
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1129



    Description:
        I hope the title is not to confusing after you have read through this poem...but it does hold a meaning at least for me that is why I wrote this.
    I'm not exactly sure where this came from, perhaps possibly but that is about all. Any thoughts on this piece would be greatly appreciated.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Back of My "I"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Not every moment is picture perfect
    within the veins of an eye
    that has been depleted of ink
    void of fake color and security

    These lonely dreams seep in
    welcoming lips that plunge
    to the vein's end, inserting emotion
    tangled with feelings of objects never to come

    This dream that holds the hand
    one thing that stays by
    causing a minimal smile to wear
    for every inch of memory that becomes a feathered tear

    Mother that bides her time
    stocking stuffed full of memory lined despair
    for all to pick with tiny hands
    hoping this will be one to live from

    But the eye that already has been drained
    of images coated in lovely
    is left with realism and facts
    hoping to swallow the last crumb and be content

    Yet there's the sunlit flower still
    blossomed within the agricultural ground of our heart
    spreading roots filled with remembrance
    of whats unseen but solid still.




    Submitted on 2005-01-20 18:49:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Well Geremy you already know I am a big fan of your work. This piece is no exception. I read it a couple times and couldn't help but feel that nomatter what we dream at some point in our lives, it fades. The piece made me think that even if we obtain our dreams they will never shine as they did tobegin with. Like through the years they have lost their luster and it can never be reclaimed, the best we can do is hold onto them and hope that it is not the same for our offspring. So we try our best to provide them a better chance then we ourselves had and the cycle begins again with them and then again when they have children. Always that vain hope that one of us someday will move beyond it all. I know this is probably way off from what you were getting at but thats part of the reason I lvoed this piece it made me formulate a slew of thoughts on it as you can see. You have an excellent way in my opinion, of making the readers brain start up and turn and think. Interesting indeed my friend. May I ask the inspiration behind this piecE?-John
    | Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by Mithrandir | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm going to be honest on this one - if not for the title (which, though, might seem ambigious to some), I do not think that I would have understood what this poem was trying to say, at least, until the fifth stanza anyway. At first, I was led to believe that the poem had actually a persona in it, who's the kind of person who seems happy and secure, but is actually inside lies an insecure, broken soul. What inspired this interpretation, you might ask? Well, at first, I thought the title "Back of my 'I'" could have meant the "true side of myself that you do not see", an invisible side of a person, if you know what I mean. But as I moved on to the second stanza, my first interpretation seemed to get lost somewhere, so I figured it could not have been what you wanted to portray in the poem. But the fifth stanza:

    But the eye that already has been drained
    of images coated in lovely
    is left with realism and facts
    hoping to swallow the last crumb and be content

    After this stanza, the meaning started to come to me - correct me if I am mistaken, but this poem should be about the joy of childhood? The fifth stanza gave a more direct approach - the harsh reality of, well, reality. Haha! Seems that way to me anyway, I read through it again after the fifth stanza, and in my opinion, that theme seems to fall into place with this poem and its ambigious title.

    Anyway, I enjoyed reading this, as I have with some of your previous works that I have read! Optimistic approach in this one, as I see it. To have happy memories of a childhood is better than to have none - that was what came to mind when I read this. Makes me feel that I should be more grateful of a happy childhood, when I think of how many children who do not have the chance of having one.
    | Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by zhi wei | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem sounds beautiful, but what does it mean? What happens, if you paraphrase it into simple prose? Does it have a meaning? Does it disappear. From a lifetime of experience I have learnt that I am not stupid and If I don't understand your poem, I will not be alone. Maybe I am not on the right wavelength, maybe other people will respond wholeheartedly to the emotion in your poem and feel satisfiied. I have this conviction that images and emotive words should not be there just for their own right as a sort of existentialist symbolism, but should illustrate a reality or a meaning you wish to convey and that this meaning should be transparently available to your reader.
    | Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      "This dream that holds the hand
    one thing that stays by
    causing a minimal smile to wear
    for every inch of memory that becomes a feathered tear

    Mother that bides her time
    stocking stuffed full of memory lined despair
    for all to pick with tiny hands
    hoping this will be one to live from"


    I am in love with these two stanzas. This was so beautiful. The best poem come from seemlingly nowhere I think.

    "Yer there's the sunlit flower still
    blossomed within the agricultural ground of our heart
    spreading roots filled with remembrance
    of whats unseen but solid still."
    Great last stanza. It has a truly beautiful ending I must say. I just loved this so much and I don't quit no why...Mmm interesting.
    | Posted on 2005-01-20 00:00:00 | by Cigarette Smoke | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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