Description: I hope the title is not to confusing after you have read through this poem...but it does hold a meaning at least for me that is why I wrote this.
I'm not exactly sure where this came from, perhaps possibly but that is about all. Any thoughts on this piece would be greatly appreciated.
The Back of My "I" -------------------------------------------
Not every moment is picture perfect
within the veins of an eye
that has been depleted of ink
void of fake color and security
These lonely dreams seep in
welcoming lips that plunge
to the vein's end, inserting emotion
tangled with feelings of objects never to come
This dream that holds the hand
one thing that stays by
causing a minimal smile to wear
for every inch of memory that becomes a feathered tear
Mother that bides her time
stocking stuffed full of memory lined despair
for all to pick with tiny hands
hoping this will be one to live from
But the eye that already has been drained
of images coated in lovely
is left with realism and facts
hoping to swallow the last crumb and be content
Yet there's the sunlit flower still
blossomed within the agricultural ground of our heart
spreading roots filled with remembrance
of whats unseen but solid still.
Well Geremy you already know I am a big fan of your work. This piece is no exception. I read it a couple times and couldn't help but feel that nomatter what we dream at some point in our lives, it fades. The piece made me think that even if we obtain our dreams they will never shine as they did tobegin with. Like through the years they have lost their luster and it can never be reclaimed, the best we can do is hold onto them and hope that it is not the same for our offspring. So we try our best to provide them a better chance then we ourselves had and the cycle begins again with them and then again when they have children. Always that vain hope that one of us someday will move beyond it all. I know this is probably way off from what you were getting at but thats part of the reason I lvoed this piece it made me formulate a slew of thoughts on it as you can see. You have an excellent way in my opinion, of making the readers brain start up and turn and think. Interesting indeed my friend. May I ask the inspiration behind this piecE?-John
I'm going to be honest on this one - if not for the title (which, though, might seem ambigious to some), I do not think that I would have understood what this poem was trying to say, at least, until the fifth stanza anyway. At first, I was led to believe that the poem had actually a persona in it, who's the kind of person who seems happy and secure, but is actually inside lies an insecure, broken soul. What inspired this interpretation, you might ask? Well, at first, I thought the title "Back of my 'I'" could have meant the "true side of myself that you do not see", an invisible side of a person, if you know what I mean. But as I moved on to the second stanza, my first interpretation seemed to get lost somewhere, so I figured it could not have been what you wanted to portray in the poem. But the fifth stanza:
But the eye that already has been drained of images coated in lovely is left with realism and facts hoping to swallow the last crumb and be content
After this stanza, the meaning started to come to me - correct me if I am mistaken, but this poem should be about the joy of childhood? The fifth stanza gave a more direct approach - the harsh reality of, well, reality. Haha! Seems that way to me anyway, I read through it again after the fifth stanza, and in my opinion, that theme seems to fall into place with this poem and its ambigious title.
Anyway, I enjoyed reading this, as I have with some of your previous works that I have read! Optimistic approach in this one, as I see it. To have happy memories of a childhood is better than to have none - that was what came to mind when I read this. Makes me feel that I should be more grateful of a happy childhood, when I think of how many children who do not have the chance of having one.
This poem sounds beautiful, but what does it mean? What happens, if you paraphrase it into simple prose? Does it have a meaning? Does it disappear. From a lifetime of experience I have learnt that I am not stupid and If I don't understand your poem, I will not be alone. Maybe I am not on the right wavelength, maybe other people will respond wholeheartedly to the emotion in your poem and feel satisfiied. I have this conviction that images and emotive words should not be there just for their own right as a sort of existentialist symbolism, but should illustrate a reality or a meaning you wish to convey and that this meaning should be transparently available to your reader.
"This dream that holds the hand one thing that stays by causing a minimal smile to wear for every inch of memory that becomes a feathered tear
Mother that bides her time stocking stuffed full of memory lined despair for all to pick with tiny hands hoping this will be one to live from"
I am in love with these two stanzas. This was so beautiful. The best poem come from seemlingly nowhere I think.
"Yer there's the sunlit flower still blossomed within the agricultural ground of our heart spreading roots filled with remembrance of whats unseen but solid still." Great last stanza. It has a truly beautiful ending I must say. I just loved this so much and I don't quit no why...Mmm interesting.
Submission Name: The Back of My "I"
But the fifth stanza: