Heaven by XxStephyxX04

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Submission Name: Heaven dots

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Author:	XxStephyxX04
ASL Info:	14/f/
Elite Ratio:	5.98 - 772/489/82
Words:	134

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	260
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	924

Description:
Please comment. This poem means a lot to me.

Heaven

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Want to reach
and scream
to the heavens above.
Nothing so glamorous
so amazing.
The beautiful view
of the whole entire
universe, all as one.
Nothing can be as
more beautiful than
a scene like that.

Your life may be marvelous
down here on earth.
But think up there in
heaven lyes ones best dream.
Everything so neat, clean and
refreshining.
The smell so sweet
makes you want to fall asleep.
The pureness of ones heart
the sweetness all around.
Its the best thing
that will happen to you.

Everyone loves and cares
no more being afraid
all as one happy family
joy and celebrations
everyday.
What a joy it will be going
to a place like heaven.
Oh you just can't wait.
Heaven so sweet.

Submitted on 2005-01-20 20:32:51 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Hey sweetie. This is beautiful. See, I told you that you could really write something awesome. I can tell that you've been soaking in advice. Keep that up. It'll only contribute to your skill as a writer.

The only corrections I have for you are these:

"heaven lyes ones best dream"

"lyes" should be "lies" and "ones" should have an apostrophe "one's" because it's showing possesion.

Other than those two little things, I must say that I am very proud of you my dear. Much love.
| Posted on 2005-01-23 00:00:00 | by Juliets_dagger | [ Reply to This ]
  I like your take on heaven, maybe I don't quite agree with it, but I still like it. I especially enjoyed how describe being able to see "the whole entire universe, all as one". I like this image. You painted a nice picture here and I'm sure it will stay with me for a while.
| Posted on 2005-01-22 00:00:00 | by Predator | [ Reply to This ]
  I think this is one of your best writings. This was a great message that you got out. Just look out for your spelling. Like Anarius said I think i really like the way you wrote things in this. You did a great job. One of my favorites.
| Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]
  It's really nice to see a happy, upbeat subject talked about in general, and your word choices and "symbology" are perfect for the subject. I'm not a huge believer in the afterlife, but if there is one, I could do much worse than the one you describe :)
| Posted on 2005-01-20 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
  awsome, and I agree with thelmaan, more poets should write about it, including me. I really liked some ways you attached stuff in this piece, 'smells so good, you want to fall asleep' I dunno, just the way you said it...or, wrote it,,,whatever. I also liked the image of 'the view of the universe' I thought that was really cool, and I hadn't put much thought into it like that before, so good good there,,,awsome job

~Anarius~
| Posted on 2005-01-20 00:00:00 | by Anarius | [ Reply to This ]

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