HELP ME!!! by rapius

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Submission Name: HELP ME!!! dots

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Author:	rapius
ASL Info:	16/m/?
Elite Ratio:	3.06 - 72/89/39
Words:	126

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	321
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	718

Description:

HELP ME!!! dots

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Where are you out there?
Where is it that you stay?
Life keeps bringing us closer and closer
But love pushes us farther and farther away

Don't you know that all I wish is to hold you in my arms for one night?
Don't you know that all I want is a kiss good-nite?

Why is it that love finds one of us, but the other turns the cheek?
Why is it that love has to disagree?
Why isn't it both of us, instead of just me?
What happened to my reality?

Your the only thought in my head
I live life for you more than for myself
Is there anyway that this hunger can be fed?
Is anybody out there to help?

Submitted on 2005-01-21 09:39:14 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  Alot of people can relate to this piece. Its a really good piece. Also sad and very painful situation. But than again everyone goes through it, or most people gone through it. Its a sucky feeling
| Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
  i have that feeling alot bit it always turned out that the girl i was with never thought the same and it was always tragic in the end, except the one im in. the poem was great though im sure alot of people can agree to that. Most people are a little to into relationships and that can be a bad thing at some point. Thanks for the poem it made me feel better that pther people feel the same way as me.
| Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by Ace | [ Reply to This ]
  I can relate to this feeling to. step back and see if that helps. sometimes when you stop chasing someone, they realize they need you after all. give it time. your poem could use a little tightening and a couple of small corrections, but it's very good otherwise.
| Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
  A good writing, its pretty sad... I know exactly how you feel...

A few pointers tho... Try not to rhyme Night with Nite... Other than that, this is a powerful peice... Good Job...
.Caleb.
| Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by Exquisite_Death | [ Reply to This ]
  Well Rapius it seems we are the only ones on the site right now, so I'll give you a comment.
Your piece is sad. I guess when your alone it's hard and believing there's someone out there waiting gives one hope. Your thoughts are coveyed well in this piece. It was a little hard to follow the pace because you rhymed two lines then switched to every other line but I think the work has potential and you did a good job. dmm
| Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]

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