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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rain and Septemberdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 641
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 680



    Description:
       These are just random stanzas that flowed out of my head and I kinda liked them...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRain and Septemberdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Will the leaves
    smell so sweet
    next september?

    Maybe I'm lost
    floating along
    praying for rain.

    And baby if
    I said Im yours
    your too far away
    to hear the words
    escape my lips

    Will the snow come early
    or will I sit
    holding on to september?

    It doesnt matter anyway
    not when I'm still
    living in spanish memories
    and jaded dreams.

    So goodbye
    and
    fare
    thee
    well

    I never cared
    for winter anyway
    You know I'm just a whiny Bastard...





    Submitted on 2005-01-21 15:05:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      ok...I'm starting to get a grip on your "style" (and liking it)...you do this understated thing very well, this I'm-kinda-sad-but-it's-not-life-threatening-so-I-won't-bit ch-too-much-about-it thing...

    Couple quick things...

    And baby if
    I said Im yours
    your too far away
    to hear the words
    escape my lips

    love the conversational quality of this...your too should be you're too though, right?

    I was about to question your lack of capitalization on spanish, but then I noticed september so it's done on purpose which is fine...still not sure if [censored] needs the cap though...

    I feel the insecurity of your narrator. Not much more need be said...excellent piece John.
    | Posted on 2005-01-25 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this, especially the end. I thought it added a nice bit of levity to the piece. I'm not much of a winter person either, and I hate letting go of a time in my life that brought me hope, as I recently had to do.
    Keep up the good work,
    HWKI
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by HWKI | [ Reply to This ]
      It seems to me that September, in this case, is either metaphorical, or symbolic of the timing of this relationship. Was it the last month you were with this person? Or is it that because you don't like "winter" (symbolic for being alone?), "September" is what you consider the relationship/ girl? Is "September" the last time you felt like she was there?

    Anyway, I thought the piece was good. I didn't really see anything that I could say needed work. I think it is well worded, and well written. It is a piece that allows the reader to think, get his/her own meaning from what is there, and also from what isn't . Good job.
    | Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by ebflannery | [ Reply to This ]
      i can see why you kinda liked them and even though you say theyre just random stanzas they all work together too well...

    i think the last stanza made it... it tied everything together and kinda made the whole feel a little less intense and made it more light hearted...

    it seems to be a whole lot of quite unanswerable questions that need to be asked... and the end of the piece isnt necessarily the end of the questioning...

    i love rain and i love the randomness of this piece... somethings just need to be posted!
    | Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      r u complaining about the weather or the loss of someone? i wasn't real sure on that. i think these stanzas are great though, i really like them. perhaps you could explore them more? i don't know just a thought i had. well anyway this is good and as soon as i know what you are meaning in it the better i can understand it in whole****
    | Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]


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