Description: This was written in responce to something Purplesun24 wrote that she will be posting hopefully tonight! Thats all I will say about my inspiration behind it. Now its time for coffee and quiet to ponder things...
Would You Whisper? -------------------------------------------
So if I write
You’ve brought me peace
to those troubled dreams
cause I can’t scream loud enough
to reach those ears
would you whisper?
Hoping to catch the wind
You know I like sitting outside
pondering if your night sky
looks like mine…
It seems there’s only silence
between us
but I’ll dream easier
because of the words
I don’t need to hear you say…
i feel as if someone was crying and distraught when they wrote this; it feels ... disconnected, discombulated ... erratic pleasantries woven asymmetrically with the intensities of a faded/fading love. but still, all is coherent to my empathetic heart. i've said this, spoken these words before in my own tongue. it's bittersweet, wine that comes after a meal you never wanted to end. i can't pinpoint and say what i loved without pulling up the entire piece, it's so interconnected. it seems like one thought just bleeds into the next like a broken pen onto a shirt pocket. lovely. thanks for sharing. =]
I love this John. I can relate to it and it compliments the other poem wonderfully. It's pure romance...and I mean that in the best possible way: spoken love.
So if I write You’ve brought me peace to those troubled dreams cause I can’t scream loud enough to reach those ears
I love the first 3 lines, it makes for an eloquent and tender entrance, the way you're speaking to her is so gentle and I can imagine the awe she would feel in understanding these words and the comfort she would draw from them. A caress of words.
I don't doubt that the next 3 lines are accurate to how you feel and what you experience but they seem a little harsh by comparison. I think you should try to soften them slightly, but keep them as they make for a goodcomparison between the gentle lines.
would you whisper? Hoping to catch the wind
ugh....that's beautiful. Superb!
You know I like sitting outside pondering if your night sky looks like mine…
This is great also, there's a connection there between the intensity of love and a way for the whispers to reach him. I used to look up at the night sky just like that ...so for me this is a brilliant passage. It's soft and gentle with the honesty of a moment and more details of their situation coming through.
It seems there’s only silence between us but I’ll dream easier because of the words I don’t need to hear you say…
Beautiful again, it's easy to comment on poetry when it lives and this piece is exquisite, it shows such tenderness and strength, even though there's enough there to share his anguish too. I know this poem and feel like I know you better too.
Excellent poem, that I'm sure only captures a little of the emotion and the lines of poetry you feel for her.
I'd rise to leave her sleeping...years ago. As she imparted poetry to me (~_^)
sometimes beyond words and silence there are hearts bursting wide open. thats what this poem left me with. i liked it. and i can't say bad things about it.
Nice, very nice. Distance between a loved one can be hard to endure, but its nice to think that somewhere out there, that one may be looking up at the same star you are. Beautifully written. HWKI
that just hit the spot. being far away from someone makes things so hard and frustrating sometimes. i hope i picked up the right vibe and thats what this is about cuz i'm horrible at that. anyway the second stanza is just great. as well as the end of the first. they just really describe the ache of being apart. great job john.
this is interesting. for me this is poetry in its simplest and most honest form. there is an unspoken mystery in this, which can make us a ll sit back and think of how nice things can be, just sitting on our own. well this is how this piece made me feel. like i wanted to turn off the music i cant do without and just sit in the peace of my own company and just enjoy,,,being, i guess. i like how simple it is. this is not to say it is written simply, just that it reads in that uncluttered and matter of fact way. and it seems to be appropriate. this speaks of a relationship that does not exist in a tangible form, but in the heads of two people, and believe me i know how this feels. and sometimes it is the best thing, because your mind shows you all the good things and adds to it longing to be there in that one place with that one person. your mind goes over every word and makes it sound like a whisper in your ear, even if it originated from a keyboard. take care on1eday.co.uk
I love the unwritten language of soul, so this is so keenly a part of me. Those very lines I've written too
I wonder if we're looking at the same sky tonight
my lines, but so much like yours, and it doesn't matter what we whisper- only the intent or soul's words is heard. For those who know how to listen beyond words this is a beautiful tribute. A superbly crafted write, congrats too, thanks for sharing this,
This is a good write. I think it is a sweet way of stating that once someone is in your heart, they are always there, even when you cannot see them or speak with them. It is comforting to know that we all share the same sky, and thinking that way makes the world seem like such a cozier place.
this to me is a romantic gesture. i think that it is so great how you can bond with someone though miles away. i am in a situation like this and i sit and wonder if he is sitting there too thinking along the same lines. it's like if i sit quiet enough i swear i can hear his voice** i love this poem-going into my fav's***
yeah i too could hear 'somewhere out there' playing in the back ground of this one... i truely loved this... i cant scream loud enough for you to hear so perhaps just whisper to the heart instead...
i can say for certain that our night skies look nothing the same as i do have reason to believe we are in completely different hemispheres... isnt that kinda trippy...? i always used to sit outside at night pondering such things... i suck at sleeping so theres a lot of time to contemplate and entertain such thoughts...
this piece had a kind of soothing magic to it... i really liked it.
yeah i too could hear 'somewhere out there' playing in the back ground of this one... i truely loved this... i cant scream loud enough for you to hear so perhaps just whisper to the heart instead...
i can say for certain that our night skies look nothing the same as i do have reason to believe we are in completely different hemispheres... isnt that kinda trippy...? i always used to sit outside at night pondering such things... i suck at sleeping so theres a lot of time to contemplate and entertain such thoughts...
this piece had a kind of soothing magic to it... i really liked it.
yeah..i think it was like the three stanzas were three different parts or "chapters" to the piece. It was rather good though. I enjoyed the smooth flow of the words, and alot of the imagery was very clever and came across with lots of feeling! :) Nice work man, all da best! -shawnothan
Each stanza seemed like a different idea all mashed together. I really like the "reaching your ears" part. It was very cool. But anyways, this poem seems very scrambled. But in another way completely connected together. I like the "abstractedness." Nice poem. -Brooke
Submission Name: Would You Whisper?
