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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Would You Whisper?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 802
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 481



    Description:
       This was written in responce to something Purplesun24 wrote that she will be posting hopefully tonight! Thats all I will say about my inspiration behind it. Now its time for coffee and quiet to ponder things...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWould You Whisper?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    So if I write
    Youíve brought me peace
    to those troubled dreams
    cause I canít scream loud enough
    to reach those ears

    would you whisper?
    Hoping to catch the wind
    You know I like sitting outside
    pondering if your night sky
    looks like mineÖ

    It seems thereís only silence
    between us
    but Iíll dream easier
    because of the words
    I donít need to hear you sayÖ





    Submitted on 2005-01-21 15:05:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i feel as if someone was crying and distraught when they wrote this; it feels ... disconnected, discombulated ... erratic pleasantries woven asymmetrically with the intensities of a faded/fading love. but still, all is coherent to my empathetic heart. i've said this, spoken these words before in my own tongue. it's bittersweet, wine that comes after a meal you never wanted to end. i can't pinpoint and say what i loved without pulling up the entire piece, it's so interconnected. it seems like one thought just bleeds into the next like a broken pen onto a shirt pocket. lovely. thanks for sharing. =]

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2005-03-28 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this John. I can relate to it and it compliments the other poem wonderfully.
    It's pure romance...and I mean that in the best possible way: spoken love.


    So if I write
    Youíve brought me peace
    to those troubled dreams
    cause I canít scream loud enough
    to reach those ears

    I love the first 3 lines, it makes for an eloquent and tender entrance, the way you're speaking to her is so gentle and I can imagine the awe she would feel in understanding these words and the comfort she would draw from them. A caress of words.

    I don't doubt that the next 3 lines are accurate to how you feel and what you experience but they seem a little harsh by comparison. I think you should try to soften them slightly, but keep them as they make for a goodcomparison between the gentle lines.

    would you whisper?
    Hoping to catch the wind

    ugh....that's beautiful. Superb!

    You know I like sitting outside
    pondering if your night sky
    looks like mineÖ

    This is great also, there's a connection there between the intensity of love and a way for the whispers to reach him. I used to look up at the night sky just like that ...so for me this is a brilliant passage. It's soft and gentle with the honesty of a moment and more details of their situation coming through.

    It seems thereís only silence
    between us
    but Iíll dream easier
    because of the words
    I donít need to hear you sayÖ

    Beautiful again, it's easy to comment on poetry when it lives and this piece is exquisite, it shows such tenderness and strength, even though there's enough there to share his anguish too. I know this poem and feel like I know you better too.

    Excellent poem, that I'm sure only captures a little of the emotion and the lines of poetry you feel for her.

    I'd rise to leave her sleeping...years ago.
    As she imparted poetry to me (~_^)

    Best to you,
    Daniel




    | Posted on 2005-02-12 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      sometimes beyond words and silence there are hearts bursting wide open. thats what this poem left me with. i liked it. and i can't say bad things about it.
    | Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by butterfly wings | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice, very nice. Distance between a loved one can be hard to endure, but its nice to think that somewhere out there, that one may be looking up at the same star you are. Beautifully written.
    HWKI
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by HWKI | [ Reply to This ]
      that just hit the spot. being far away from someone makes things so hard and frustrating sometimes. i hope i picked up the right vibe and thats what this is about cuz i'm horrible at that. anyway the second stanza is just great. as well as the end of the first. they just really describe the ache of being apart. great job john.
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by Butterfly Bullets | [ Reply to This ]
      this is interesting.
    for me this is poetry in its simplest and most honest form.
    there is an unspoken mystery in this, which can make us a ll sit back and think of how nice things can be, just sitting on our own. well this is how this piece made me feel. like i wanted to turn off the music i cant do without and just sit in the peace of my own company and just enjoy,,,being, i guess.
    i like how simple it is. this is not to say it is written simply, just that it reads in that uncluttered and matter of fact way. and it seems to be appropriate. this speaks of a relationship that does not exist in a tangible form, but in the heads of two people, and believe me i know how this feels. and sometimes it is the best thing, because your mind shows you all the good things and adds to it longing to be there in that one place with that one person. your mind goes over every word and makes it sound like a whisper in your ear, even if it originated from a keyboard.
    take care
    on1eday.co.uk
    | Posted on 2005-01-22 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the unwritten language of soul, so this is so keenly a part of me. Those very lines I've written too

    I wonder if we're looking at the same sky tonight

    my lines, but so much like yours, and it doesn't matter what we whisper- only the intent or soul's words is heard. For those who know how to listen beyond words this is a beautiful tribute.
    A superbly crafted write, congrats too,
    thanks for sharing this,

    nansofast
    | Posted on 2005-01-22 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good write. I think it is a sweet way of stating that once someone is in your heart, they are always there, even when you cannot see them or speak with them. It is comforting to know that we all share the same sky, and thinking that way makes the world seem like such a cozier place.
    | Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by ebflannery | [ Reply to This ]
      this to me is a romantic gesture. i think that it is so great how you can bond with someone though miles away. i am in a situation like this and i sit and wonder if he is sitting there too thinking along the same lines. it's like if i sit quiet enough i swear i can hear his voice** i love this poem-going into my fav's***
    | Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      yeah i too could hear 'somewhere out there' playing in the back ground of this one...
    i truely loved this... i cant scream loud enough for you to hear so perhaps just whisper to the heart instead...

    i can say for certain that our night skies look nothing the same as i do have reason to believe we are in completely different hemispheres... isnt that kinda trippy...? i always used to sit outside at night pondering such things... i suck at sleeping so theres a lot of time to contemplate and entertain such thoughts...

    this piece had a kind of soothing magic to it... i really liked it.
    | Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      yeah i too could hear 'somewhere out there' playing in the back ground of this one...
    i truely loved this... i cant scream loud enough for you to hear so perhaps just whisper to the heart instead...

    i can say for certain that our night skies look nothing the same as i do have reason to believe we are in completely different hemispheres... isnt that kinda trippy...? i always used to sit outside at night pondering such things... i suck at sleeping so theres a lot of time to contemplate and entertain such thoughts...

    this piece had a kind of soothing magic to it... i really liked it.
    | Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      yeah..i think it was like the three stanzas were three different parts or "chapters" to the piece. It was rather good though. I enjoyed the smooth flow of the words, and alot of the imagery was very clever and came across with lots of feeling! :) Nice work man,
    all da best!
    -shawnothan
    | Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by Shawnothan | [ Reply to This ]
      Each stanza seemed like a different idea all mashed together. I really like the "reaching your ears" part. It was very cool. But anyways, this poem seems very scrambled. But in another way completely connected together. I like the "abstractedness."
    Nice poem.
    -Brooke
    | Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by Quiet Clamor | [ Reply to This ]


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