Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: tributedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wildchild
    ASL Info:    19/f/northwest
    Elite Ratio:    4.48 - 307/268/27
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/Legend
    Total Views: 1006
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 910



    Description:
       this is a tribute to dr. martin luther king jr. i know it sucks but let me know what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotstributedots
    -------------------------------------------


    A message of love,
    A vision of freedom,
    A hope for peace,
    He gave us a dream.
    He told us God made us
    to be like the rainbow
    blue is no better than green.
    We all bleed the same blood,
    cry the same tears,
    dream the same dreams.

    Liberty
    twas the ideal to which
    our great nation was born
    But where is she hiding?
    She lies under, squished beneath
    the white man's heel.
    He said to give freedom freely
    and ever so peacefully
    pried up the heavy boot
    with a snake-charmer's grace

    And how did we repay him
    for opening up our eyes?
    On his way out to dine
    his great life got snuffed out
    and left desolated and desicrated.
    They thought then the dream
    would die
    but out of the ashes, it sprouted wings to fly.




    Submitted on 2005-01-21 17:53:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ok I see you have “A” repetition in the first three lines in stanza one however I do think that could be remedied very easily. may I humbly suggest two tiny tweaks hahaha TTT for this:

    A message of love,
    A vision of freedom,
    A hope for peace,

    compare to

    a message of love,
    this vision of freedom,
    their hope for peace.

    if you like that better then use it if not that is ok too. I do love the message of this write and I believe this dedication has a lot of heart. I would think Dr. King looking own from heaven would be most proud to know that folks write wonderful pieces of poetry to honor his deeds and his life. the only thing that is difficult in this piece is finding out what are Dr. Kings words and what are yours. maybe you could put in italics the words of the great reverend, I don’t know just a thought. you can always tell me to hold my breath and count to a million. in the third stanza of the fifth line you have “desicrated” believe you may have wanted “desecrated” and another minor suggestion I would put ellipses after would die in stanza three line seven after the word “die” the last three lines are immortal wonderful piece you have written has meaning and purpose. thanks for this read,

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2005-11-25 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      Jess I love this. I agree with Bon Martin is like my idol. All that he stood for and all that he died for. He went out every day knowing what a risk it was to be preaching what he was preaching and still he did every day he could until the day that [censored] decided that he had the f*cking audasity to take that great man's life. It doesn't suck!!!!

    Joqer
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by Joqer | [ Reply to This ]
      Love it, Martin is my idol. He was such a great man, I only wish I could have met him. The piece is great, love the changes, loved the original, sorry I didn't read it faster, and sorry if y'all thought me dead. I was only at home sick, lying in my bed. I am going to add it to my faves. I will delete the one about Emily and add this one.
    | Posted on 2005-01-23 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
      it doesnt suck, i luv it. and i luv the changes that you made from the first draft.

    his great life got snuffed out

    This line still doesnt flow right to me but it is better than the original line.

    They thought then the dream
    would die
    but out of the ashes, it sprouted wings to fly.

    And this is my favorite part of it.
    Great job hun! I love you, and things will get better. If you need me, just call.

    Kim
    | Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    43154

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Push written by JanePlane
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Linger written by saartha
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Bond written by saartha
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Every..... written by jackz
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    written by Daniel Barlow
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    One Day written by WriteSomething
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry