Coffee, I love you by elitegundam

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Submission Name: Coffee, I love you dots

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Author:	elitegundam
ASL Info:	25/M/Canada
Elite Ratio:	3.25 - 68/90/20
Words:	118

Class/Type:	Poetry/Comedy
Total Views:	238
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	732

Description:
I was in the mood to write something, but I didn't want to write anything depressing, this is the first non-sad poem I've written so far, let me know what you think!

Coffee, I love you dots

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The hot black liquid
slowly starts to warm me
this life giving drink
is all I need
morning, noon, or night
it fills me with speed

Such a small, strong bean
covered in chocolate is a treat
I've been hooked since pre-teen.
It wakes me up, helps me sleep,
to keep it from me is rude and mean.
Coffee, coffee, I love you so
another to match you I haven't seen

Coffee, it's you I trust
only for you do I lust
to have you daily is a must
life without you wouldn't be just
your powder ground to a dust
I know that you will never rust,
to live without you I must be nuts!

Submitted on 2005-01-22 10:08:29 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  This is great. I read your other coffee poems first and I luved them too. Life without coffee would be so, well, not life.
There are a few errors, spelling and punctuation wise, but it's nothing that can not be fixed.
Wonderful job!

Your fellow coffee drinker,
Rain
| Posted on 2005-02-04 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
  I love that each stanza has it's own designated "rhyme"... it adds a sense of whimsy to an already whimsical piece. As a fellow coffee nut, I concur!
| Posted on 2005-01-27 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
  YEAH** loved this so much, i wrote about my shower once, just out of being bored and needing a change of pace. this is too cute. my only suggestion to you-use different ryhmes instead of the same one over and over, gets played out sometimes. but other than that little opinion of mine this was funny**
| Posted on 2005-01-25 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
  From a coffe-lover's standpoint, this writing is clever and fun to read...But I honestly think that you might want to re-think the use of "nuts" after all those "-usts"...It doesn't rhyme, and it "crashed" the ending instead of being the closing punctuation that it could be. Other than that I really liked it! If you have a sec, check out my own writing, "beanz", on my relationship with morning and how coffee is the "mediator". Just a warning, I headed it under a "comedy" class, but it didn't turn out as funny as I had thought. Maybe you could read it and let me know what type of poetry you think it falls under..h.mmmmm...I need coffee!
| Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by bluemayskye | [ Reply to This ]
  *giggles* i understand this waay too much. and i'm a bit younger then you. lol. have you ever heard the song 'Mr. Coffee' by Lagwagon, i think you might enjoy it. lol. someone wrote 'quite a perky write' what a cute pun. sorry. you did a really good job with this - i think you should write more happy poems.
| Posted on 2005-01-23 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]
  I love my coffee, too. Mocha Latte with Carmel is my fav! I never thought of writing a comedy about it, though... Good job... it is so cute and sweet... your endearing poem to coffee!

Indigo Kid
| Posted on 2005-01-23 00:00:00 | by Indigo Kid | [ Reply to This ]
  The hot black liquid
slowly starts to warm me
this life giving drink
is all I need
morning, noon, or night
it fills me with speed

Such a small, strong bean
covered in chocolate is a treat
I've been hooked since pre-teen.
It wakes me up, helps me sleep,
to keep it from me is rude and mean.
Coffee, coffee, I love you so
another to match you I haven't seen

Coffee, it's you I trust
only for you do I lust
to have you daily is a must
life without you wouldn't be just
your powder ground to a dust
I know that you will never rust,
to live without you I must be nuts!

sorry I couldn't decide which stanza I liked better. I loved them all. And their are a lot coffeeholics. My dad for example. I didn't see too many mistakes with this write. I thought it was very well written.
| Posted on 2005-01-22 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
  this definately reminds me of myself and others.

the rhyming seems slightly off to me but it doesn't seem to interrupt the message of the poem.
the last stanza is my favorite. there's been days when all i can think about is coffee even thought i've already had a couple of cups. i believe i've even reached the speed of light a couple of times.

i like this and you've done an excellent job describing most of the coffe-a-holics out there.
keep up the good work,
-wildchild
| Posted on 2005-01-22 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
  I also worship the mighty bean juice, and can't imagine a day without it. So, this piece really appealed to my interest. ;)

The rhyme scheme is unusual, but to my mind it sounded like you had been steadily downing the coffee while writing, making the rhymes get speedier with each stanza. The last stanza feels like the way I feel right before I decide I should be done drinking coffee...
...going a mile a minute sitting still. :)
Quite a perky write!
And certainly a good change from sad and gloomy...the sun does come out ~sometimes~.
| Posted on 2005-01-22 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
  This could have been written by my husband. He is the constant coffee drinker in our family. I like it, but the rhyme scheme is strange. You might want to rework the last line a little so that it too rhymes. I am sure that there is a way you can do this. Funny and I like it.
| Posted on 2005-01-22 00:00:00 | by greensnake | [ Reply to This ]
  lol..quite a song of praise to the inanimate bean (wait..i guess it isn't inanimate since it makes us animate! lol) ..hehe..anyway, I like coffee too, well starbucks...sometimes other brands that no one has ever heard of. :) This was a good turn of humor here, and I am glad that you decided to write a non-serious poem! I think its always a good idea to focus on the fun side of life at least sometimes... it was well written with a comedic vibe and an unmistakable message: you love coffee! hehe
I had fun reading this! Nice job well done...
have a great day!
-shawnothan
| Posted on 2005-01-22 00:00:00 | by Shawnothan | [ Reply to This ]

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