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Broken


Author: Archer
ASL Info:    17/female/Oregon
Elite Ratio:    4.82 - 118 /148 /53
Words: 205
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1127
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1199



Description:


a love poem it is common but i means something to me i hope it means somthing to you as well.


Broken



Lost, confused,
lying on the floor
broken and used.

my heart broken.
my body abused
how in this life
was i ment to suceed
how do i take the
pain with out feeling
not wanting to bleed.

if life is easy
what is left for me ?
i am brying
i am falling
disgraced
i am dying

how am i supposed
to survive this hatred
how am i to live through
the tragidy

stay strong, go cold
keep close the pain inside of me.
don't feel, live with no regrets
i can not see the real anymore
fighting my way through the lies
and the threts.

then you came
you took my pain away
you listend to me cry
all the words i had forgotten how to say.

you melted my heart of ice
you were so kind to me
yet i knew i could not keep you
there are men so sweet none like you.

i had forgotten the love
i had forgotten the touch
i know now, i remember it all
and i want to tell you
i love you soo much!




Submitted on 2005-01-23 18:49:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This is a beautifully crafted piece...I was heart warming...Still, I think its important that you be a little careful with your grammar..I'm not a first language English speaker, but I know I have to capitalise the I when writing a sentence, whether its in the beginning or end..I'm not big in editing my work, but it's necessecary...at some instances...Nevertheless, you need to check out certain words with regards to how they are spelled...Still about this write..it was sagaciously conversed..there's so much passion and it aint difficult to see that you enjoyed breathing life to this one...You created such beautiful scenes for us..Hence your use of imagery is also fabulous..Please dont take it bad, you are a talented writer...
Thank you for sharing...BE HAPPY..Nobantu
| Posted on 2005-10-13 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a delightful glass of wine for passion's reawakining lips! I had to read it a few times in order to really take it all in... but I DID get it all in! Sometimes, a certain kind of love is needed to melt a certain kind of ice in the heart... I'm glad that love found you! For you would have never found that love by yourself. Chalk this to a lesson in life! I truly am begining to like your heart and what it has to say. So with that... I'm off to read something else you've wrote! Cheers!
| Posted on 2005-05-13 00:00:00 | by Isaac | [ Reply to This ]
  Despite the normal cliché of love poems, this was a very well done and mildly creative piece on the all to common topic known as "love." Some of the lines are along the same lines as I have read in other articles of poems, but the lines surrounding them and the variation of your word placing kept my interest straight to the end.

the tragidy

On this line I just wanted to point out, (in case you might want to edit it) that "tragidy" is spelt "tragedy." Just a littl ehelpful note if you ever wanted to change it.

Being a guy, I can say that this piece is rather touching and I would be more than flattered to recieve something along this lines from a girl. Needless to say I guarantee it woud place smile on my lips and I am sure this was your overall intent.

if life is easy
what is left for me ?
i am brying
i am falling
disgraced
i am dying

This stanza had a great sing song sort of feeling to it. So dark, secluded, and all at the same time lovely. Starting off you had this lonely feeling of remorse, alone and hurt because far too much life does not come easily at all. But you had a great way at plunging the reader from this dark seclusion to a whirlwin of lovely thoughts and a person caring. Like a sort of happy ending from a nightmare enduced life.

Great job with this, refreshing and strong right through to the very end and I enjoyed that to a high extent...

-Geremy-
| Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by Geremy Smith | [ Reply to This ]
  hey another good one in the books! life isn't supposed to be easy, it's really not, and doesn't pretend to be. you know what i mean? You just have to take it as it comes, the good and the bad. it's hard. now, however, it seems like that you have the light shining on you, which it sounds like you deserve it very much. so..in turn i am happy for you. Once again though...it's the spelling that takes away from it. i mean, i still totally understand what you're saying in your work, but it does take away from the piece. okay? i really liked this though, and am looking forward to reading more.

-austin-
| Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]


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