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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Silly girldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ann
    ASL Info:    22/F/MI
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 59/61/16
    Words: 166
    Class/Type: Misc/Depressed
    Total Views: 316
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 944



    Description:
       i have no idea where this came from, i would like to think I'm not depressed but after this im not so sure.......


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSilly girldots
    -------------------------------------------


    9 am and its still dark
    flick the light on and its still dark
    turn on the water, feel the heat against your skin
    the coldness still persists, it is still within
    step into the shower, feel the water beat against your back
    close the doors but you can still see yourself through the glass
    close your eyes silly girl
    it will still be black but at least this way it wont be so bad
    go ahead, open your mouth try to scream them out
    go ahead silly girl, they wont come out
    open your skin, smear the blood but once again silly girl you are out of luck
    so stand under the water for as long as you may but nothing will help as they laugh and play
    stand until you fall
    until the world seems lost
    rest your head against the tile
    dont be afraid
    no more darkness
    soon the cold will be chased away
    soon silly girl you will slip away




    Submitted on 2005-01-23 23:52:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I love this peice, and I agree with Sweet-fire, just because you can write something this good that happens to fall under the classification9SP) of depression doesn't mean that you are depressed. This whole peice flowed together so well and the vocabulary was very good. def. going on the favorites list...
    | Posted on 2005-01-27 00:00:00 | by Darkest Flaw | [ Reply to This ]
      this is an amazing poem. you did a wonderful job. I love the eding. It just flows so well and...wow...just wow. lol. I really like it.
    | Posted on 2005-01-25 00:00:00 | by MyKemicalfailur | [ Reply to This ]
      Spectacularly done! The vocabulary that you use is widespread without being prohibitive. It's hard to use the exact right word without coming off as unapproachable.

    "close your eyes silly girl
    it will still be black but at least this way it wont be so bad"

    Oh how I can relate... (Without actually being a girl, of course).
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
      oh i really like this! its going to my favs. just because you write something like this...it doesnt mean your depressed it means that you can see things from other perspectives which is really great. i have sat down and prepared myslef to write about something and then go back to read it and it wasnt about what i wanted at all and im like "where the hell did that come from and why?" think of it as a gift. now the only thing i found that i want to comment a little negativly on was the pattern and rythm...some of the lines were really long and that made them stick out and seem as if they didnt belong and it messed up the beat if you know what im saying. i think you should break them down...dont change the words...just break down the long lines...if you want-im a pattern person. but i still loved it and its still going to my favs!
    -sweet
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by sweet-fire | [ Reply to This ]
      "the coldness still persists, it is still within"

    I really admire this piece, I can't put into words the emotion it brought out, because I have also traveled along that path and you expressed it perfectly. Good write.
    Jaymi
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by theDevilsPocket | [ Reply to This ]



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