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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Drawndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 56
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 618
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 373



    Description:
       I had posted this with Pain Killer, but I decided against that.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDrawndots
    -------------------------------------------


    You drew me in
    with your smile and your pencils,
    and though the real me
    feels like a vacant sketch
    of some exalted ideal,
    the drawing is colored-in, complete,
    more animated than life, than flesh.
    I long to become what you perceive
    beneath these jaded layers of paint
    I convinced myself were part of me.




    Submitted on 2005-01-24 00:27:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      Totally my kind of poem. Short and intense. The imagery is very lush and cushioned enough to fall back onto the poem itself. the very first lines, "You drew me in / With your smile and your pencils" is so wonderfully double-sided- I fell in love with it upon first read. *md*
    | Posted on 2005-03-11 00:00:00 | by MerryDeath | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't like the ending so much. not because of wqhat it says but because it's a bit confusing. took me a while to figure out to what the last line refers. I think the sentence is just too long. maybe you could expressit differently.
    but I really like the poem. it's an interesting thought and a nice little love poem (yes, I would categorize it as a love poem.).
    | Posted on 2005-01-31 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice. what a great way to talk about living up to someone's ideals (or wanting to).

    art enhancing life, rather than just imitating it. kinda interesting.
    | Posted on 2005-01-29 00:00:00 | by jdinning67 | [ Reply to This ]
      i know that a good reader separates knowledge and opinion of the writer from the work, but this seems like this piece has self doubt hanging over it like a storm cloud and that's not something i would associate with you. what you deal with on this site alone sometimes (ya people are jerks) would cause me to seclude myself; you're a stronger person than i, really.

    but as for this - i always like your work because there is that element of inanimate object being symbolic or important, a relationship between two or more people looked at closely and a conclusion and this, having all these elements, is no exception. it's love and trust making us new because we can see ourselves through someone else's eyes. very warming to the heart. thanks for this. =]

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2005-01-27 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the perspective this is written in...it reminds me of my mother's opinion of me. She sees this shining star of beauty and talent, while I see a disjointed broken doll (depends on the day I guess)...and I wish so much that I could be in reality what she sees...although I have to ask myself if I really WANT to be so highly thought of...it's a lot to live up to.

    Anyway, in a nutshell, I hear "Can I live up to the hype?"... ...on top of what's really "Jaded paint".
    You paint an interesting picture. It's as if he colors you in pencils of lovely color...but you've painted yourself with "Jaded Paint"...I see darker colors...perhaps as a shield of some sort...to protect what's vulnerable underneath.
    Very exposed piece...kind of a soul searcher...
    | Posted on 2005-01-26 00:00:00 | by marysunshine | [ Reply to This ]
      Great picture! I meant to say it like a million times but I always forget after reading your piece so I typed this before reading your piece.

    K I just read this! This is so great! I absolutely love this part,
    "I long to become what you perceive
    Beneath these jaded layers of paint
    I convinced myself were part of me"
    That's just a great play on words *I think deadndreaming said play on words on your other piece. hehe*. The different expression words you used were brilliant; drew, sketch, colored-in, painted, even animated. I just loved the whole theme you presented and you presented it in true cuddledumplin form. *I still think your username is so cute! lol* Great piece.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-01-25 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      you always have good writings. i really like to read your poetry. like this one they are all so deep and makes a person really think. thinking is something i hate to dao but it must be done sometime right? yeah. well i do think you could have added more but then again its fine the way it is. short but alot said. i guess either way could be great. good write.
    -sweet
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by sweet-fire | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah but to live up to the high regard of one who adores us. They see us in such favorable light, our faults so well hidden. Through these naive eyes, we get the chance to see that side of us that we often overlook. Maybe it's possible to be this person, all the time, throwing aside the one we become mired in. Even if for only a moment...through the eyes of a beau may we all see our true selves!

    Wonderful, wonderful work Amy. I love every word you write, but this rises even above your high standard.
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      Being an artist, I often use myself as a model, and i find I don't like the picture when I am done with it or I can't finish it... somebody else painted a portait of me and I looked amazing. I think you uncovered a something I didn't even realize. Often we look down on ourselves think we are nothing but a sketch and never realize how we look to the ones that love us.
    This poem pricked at my heart.
    thank you.
    ( maybe I will go and try and draw myself through someone elses eyes)
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by Rubi_Roja | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautiful and deep, so wonderfully layered is the canvas (even though it's about a sketch) you've prepared for us. While we may not have such an exalted idea of ourselves, when others look at us, they seem to see the truth. Is any creation less than another, I don't think so. But the promise here is given kindly, as though saying yes, I can buy this. I love you, and hope I can become what you perceive.
    I see the depth of this in a subtle projection, the future, all of me will be there in time. I love your writes, Amy, thanks for sharing,

    Nan


    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]


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