Description: I wrote this about cheating on a lover.
Before you hate me I have never followed through with cheating on anybody before....I just imagined how it would be...
who knows instead of liking it
I could actually regret it
Relating to Eve -------------------------------------------
My fingertips felt what they should not have touched
and I danced with the enemy the night I should have fought the war
Like foolish Eve with her forbidden apple
I risked ignorance for a bite of bliss
If my bare feet were to follow my uneducated heart
they would do it all over again
I'd follow the serpent down
the hollow of my neck had given in to the sinful kisses it should have refused
and I rejoiced the night my eyes should have cried
Like my ancestor Eve
i brought another down with me
and used the thing between my ribs
instead of that between my ears
only to discover what naked shame means
If my gloved hands were to follow my newly educated heart
I would do it all over again
I would follow the serpent around and more
The poem u have written was very thought out and selected. It was a very wise piece of writing very original but, It reminds me of another poem Ive read somewhere i just cant remember who. Anyways Your ending though is what strikes me the most though. It seems that even though you have learned your lesson you still would do the sin again. Hmmm. Very human of you( ) I like it though it shows that your not perfect and it shows how much of a human you really are just like all of us. we all have sinned and though we learned sometimes we refuse to apply it to ourselves sad yet so true of us all. In the end it was a great piece Its a new Favorite of mine. Medieval aztec
ah the feeling of regret. i love poetry based on regret because there is almost always a story behind it and most of the time its painful for not only the writer but the other people involved. am i right?
For some reason when you said "uneducated heart" and "educated heart" I wanted to throw something like "smooth stones" out there. Don't ask me why, maybe because I am a fan of visual imagery . . . I always think a poem is stronger when it is laced with images. I think the line
"If my gloved hands were to follow my newly educated heart"
has the potential to be very erotic with the use some appropriate image. Not that I am a huge fan of erotica, it's just the power is in the line, it just needs a little help to release it.
I so love the original point of view here, it what I always look for first in a poem.
How brave r u to write such a pice,but i can assure many people have thought about as you did and some actually crossed the line. I am not here to judge you or anyone, we are human and we all sin. The bible says all sins are equal, so no one can dare look down at another for this sin. for we have sin before.
Now the one person commented that you could have made it more erotic, now that wouldn't make sense to me, because it a poem about regret, now talking more people into doing it,lol
Just a little History, there wasn't an apple mention in the garden of eden, it only mention a fruit, most likely a fig,because we know Adam was wearing a fig leaf, the apple thing came from a !7 th century french artist who drew a painting of the garden of eden, since then we have associated the apple to it.
This was my fav part:
If my bare feet were to follow my uneducated heart they would do it all over again I'd follow the serpent down
and this was awesome because it show we always repeat history;
Like my ancestor Eve i brought another down with me and used the thing between my ribs instead of that between my ears only to discover what naked shame means
I love this alot! I think it is a very original idea. I 'got together' with my girlfriends ex boyfriend and never told her about it and it almost ruined our friendship. I can relate to this alot and I love the comparison of eve eating the apple, it's perfect for the poem. I also like the reffernces to education because I know cheating of any kind is deffinatley an education wherther you truly learn from it or not. I also like your ending as it leaves the reading feel like they can see on into what she/he would do next. I don't see much you could do to improve it, a very good piece with a interesting idea behind it. Aimee
Submission Name: Relating to Eve
) I like it though it shows that your not perfect and it shows how much of a human you really are just like all of us. we all have sinned and though we learned sometimes we refuse to apply it to ourselves sad yet so true of us all. In the end it was a great piece Its a new Favorite of mine. Medieval aztec