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    dots Submission Name: Vampiredots

    Author: Dana
    ASL Info:    23/F/Dreamland
    Elite Ratio:    3.98 - 79/87/26
    Words: 338
    Class/Type: Poetry/Gothic
    Total Views: 1207
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2002


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I got lost in Northern valley of dreams
    In the dark hour, Hell after midnight
    Mysterious place where He has built his empire
    Once more I could hold his soul so tight
    Shake of hands was lost and stolen
    By gracious manner of one special vampire
    His adorable lips on my fatal hand
    Pink feathers and rose petals expand
    Every my cell can feel this gentle touch
    His pale skin like mild sandpaper
    Is dancing tango on my tender hand
    His dark messy hair so close to my skin
    Falling slowly along his scarred neck
    He is like a magnetic phenomenon
    The closer I get the more I realize
    Thereís no escape, no way back
    One touch and Iím close to stick
    His attract ability is my crack and
    Iím lost in eternity of his glamour
    His polite manner makes me stand
    And listen to the horror of his life
    I can still see the sea of melancholy
    In his mysterious eyes, so magnificent blue
    With white pearls of tears that are so rife.
    He doesnít need to say a word I can read
    His eyes and lips like book of gothíníroll
    His majesty welcomes to discover, to enter
    The gothic church of his empathy and soul
    His enduring grace takes my heart
    To the mental trip, into its cold embrace
    When our eyes meet, thereís magical ray
    Between the souls of our flashing grace
    Iíll bosom this story in the blanket of that night
    His empire that he has built will never break down!
    When I look at the moon and the stars in the sky
    I remember the illumination of his lovely eyes
    The longing is too real, his scent is buried within me
    I feel the way it flies hunting me each night
    Midnight sounds like a dark melody for me
    It leads me to the island of hopes and dreams
    All I see is a picture of you,
    My mister Vampire King of Hell!

    © by DANA 2004

    Submitted on 2005-01-24 09:32:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I love this! So darkly romantic and beautiful. Like taateli said, the Vampire you speak of reminds me of Lestat. In the 9th line did you mean, every one of my cells? The 18th line confused me a bit. None the less, this is a wonderful write! I could imagine a hypnotic nocturne being played as I read this.I must admit the flow was not constant, yet, in my opinion that did not detract from the full effect of the poem. I am usually not very fond of free formed poems, especially with lines as long as these. But no matter, I love this one! I am reading 'Queen of the Damned' by Anne Rice right now so Lestat is fresh in my mind. That is perhaps what sprung his image into my thoughtwaves. I can't help but say it once more, This is wonderful!
    | Posted on 2005-06-29 00:00:00 | by Poechick13 | [ Reply to This ]
      hi sweetie:> oh, this one is really a beautiful poem. while reading it i got a strong image in my head of lestat, and when you started talking about goth'n'roll, i couldn't help but think about jyrkie69:D

    the very first lines were catchy, they really got me sucked into this world of vampires. i could see in my mind very clearly the places and the vampire you're talking about in the poem, you are very good at descriping things. it was very much a story-like thing, which i liked.

    the only thing in the poem that disturped me a bit was the flowing. i thought it could have been a little better, at times it somehow seemed a bit forced. the title of the poem could've been more catchy, but then again this one really tells what it's about, so don't by heavens change it;)

    "Iím lost in eternity of his glamour
    His polite manner makes me stand
    And listen to the horror of his life
    I can still see the sea of melancholy
    In his mysterious eyes, so magnificent blue
    With white pearls of tears that are so rife."

    i have no idea what "rife" means, but this was just excellent. somehow it compresses the whole image i have of vampires. goodgoodgood :)
    | Posted on 2005-02-05 00:00:00 | by _taateli_ | [ Reply to This ]
      A definite new approach to the way of talking about someone who has you so wrapepd up...referring to them as a gothic empire, a vampire of sorts, very intriguing to even begin to say the least. Yes, I also noted a few perhaps typos or you actually misspelled the words. Such as "brake," that would be spelled break. Things like that, but these things are only so trivial.

    My mister Vampire King of Hell!

    Truth be told, I believe this line was a sort of weak way to end the poem. I mean as I travelled through the entire length of the poem I was caught up by a few catchy phrases and the thick imagery you portrayed. Yet then, I reach the very last line hoping for a climax to be resolved and leave me content but it dropped right off the deep end. Perhaps if you ever though of revising this you might just add another line, or perhaps take this out entirely. Either way it is up to you and I am merely making a suggestion no harm done.

    Besides what I have pointed out, I enjoyed your poem to an extent and believe you have some potential.

    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by Geremy Smith | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that overall the poem is very good, but there are errors in it. Is english your second language? I ask because there are many sentences where words have been left out. Other than that, great write.
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by ebflannery | [ Reply to This ]

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