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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Aliadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: deadndreaming
    Elite Ratio:    6.74 - 1359/1263/81
    Words: 500
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 2810
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3702



    Description:
       To my raging storm of Bliss. Your honesty inspires me girl!

    Sach is Urdu for truth

    Syrinx is the sound-producing organ in birds


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAliadots
    -------------------------------------------


    The Storm


    Spring tides ride high in these times,
    when moon and sun stand in a line
    Your uncompromising waves crash
    upon my unwary shore;

    I am but the mist of your deep rain

    Narf is Narf


    I want to be a teenaged girl
    We would hang out at the mall
    poking fun at passersby,
    unsuspecting drones trapped in lives
    of preordained dullness
    We would buy smoothies and talk
    of faraway places, undiscovered,
    where we would travel together
    in spaces of conversation so real
    we would taste the cultures

    I want to adopt you and bring you home
    where we would go over your homework
    with my wife, then join my daughter
    and watch girlie movies, like Mean Girls
    I would make popcorn and smile
    as I hear giggles from the next room
    I'd return and you would rewind
    so I could see what I missed
    We'd laugh guiltlessly at the part where Janus
    says Damien is "almost too gay to function"

    Sach


    I am the fundamentalist
    I am the extremist
    I am the terrorist
    You are Islam
    You are peace

    your sacrifice


    you are a raging storm of bliss
      ripping roofs off of houses
        revealing the contents within

    exposing contradictions
      of li(v)es otherwise concealed
        filling them with the joy

    of endless possibility
      absorbing the grief
        of such naked truth

    syrinx


    sometimes you show up at my window
    like a crazed canary
    chirping away with undecipherable expressions;
    notes so in tune, i canít help but to sing along
    (the canary takes up to 30 breaths per second;
    sometimes you donít seem to breathe at all)

    other times you sit at my window in silence
    or maybe, like a cowbird, your notes are so high
    that they canít be heard by human ears

    often times i look for you
    but all i see is a vast vacant sky
    and all i hear is white noise ó
    these times leave me to face the fact
    that birds have wings for a reason

    how can i expect you
    to keep appearing at my window
    when your nest is so far away
    and your wings give you access
    to so much more
    than what my grounded, flightless world has to offer?

    so go ahead and soar, explore
    all the wonders that you were born to find
    i will keep my window in a crack
    and listen for your song ó
    like that of a kakapo
    it will carry to me from wherever you are

    it is your time to fly



    so fly

    Shared Wisdom


    If I could teach you
    how to cut through your pain,
    would you teach me
    how to feel mine?








    Submitted on 2005-01-24 10:34:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      
    This still makes me cry. It is so Alia, I feel the essence of all her ways.
    You have heard it time and time again down the line. I just wanted to say thank you...Naomi is right, you gave her a gift and made her world a sunny place...thank you for that
    | Posted on 2014-05-25 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      This is the first time I've read this. I know it exists but I never really went out of my way to find it. I don't know why I did tonight. I just did.

    Before I say anything else, allow me to give you a moment of silence since you can't see the smile on my face and the nose-less, crooked smiling smileys we have here are not enough.




















































    I'm a skinny rake as Keith said. But I'm not going to shy away from the fact that these lines are some of my favorite ones of the whole thing...


    I am the fundamentalist
    I am the extremist
    I am the terrorist
    You are Islam
    You are peace

    To me, they just describes Alia wonderfully. She is a storm but she didn't choose to be a storm, I think (even if she says otherwise.) She just is. Ergo, she knows peace probably more than anyone.

    If I could teach you
    how to cut through your pain,
    would you teach me
    how to feel mine?

    I will remember that ending for a very long time. I can imagine you writing it and building the entire thing around it. It's powerful enough to stand on its own.

    I'm jealous since I never thought about it but really, all I can do is laugh because it is so out there.

    I've read some of your pieces before and I know that you can be flamboyant if you want to. But here, the mere fact that you toned down and allowed your wit to do all the talking is just amazing. It's as if you are saying "I love you" because "I love you" is enough--no need to bring the stars, the sunsets, the birds and the bees into the mix. No need to put on God-shoes and bend the Universe.

    That, I think is also a testimony of how much a poem, Alia already is. All you have to do is spell out her name or tell me how she looks at you and you have a masterpiece.

    - this is so not enough.
    | Posted on 2009-06-20 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      "sometimes you show up at my window
    like a crazed canary
    chirping away with undecipherable expressions;
    notes so in tune, i canít help but to sing along
    (the canary takes up to 30 breaths per second;
    sometimes you donít seem to breathe at all)"

    these were my fav lines but it was a difficult choice because she is well loved here.

    Ina piece like this it would be difficult to keep a poem intact but you allow anyone to experience this without losing an ounce of what it is, except that I'm sure there are passages on words with secret meaning/special meaning to you both.

    For being able to keep the poem intact I have to fave this as well and that's a difficult thing to do because I'm already so far behind in career stats and hollander will probably pm me saying "what's up with that brother" and next thing you know I'm faving everybody. It's a difficult thing but I'll suck it up and take one for the team.
    | Posted on 2009-03-18 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      You knooow what? You were my first favorite writer on here, with your poem Dear Jane/Dear Diary, and I still remember the feeling I got from that. Powerful. This was beautiful, it was a sculpture of Alia with words. Ahhh, I love the ending of it, the best. I have no other words, this is beautiful work. I like the li(v)es, and I don't know it's because I'm such a Frenchie, but I got "vie in lies", which sort of took me to a different turn, which is pretty Alia-like, hahaha! She rules, and sooo do you and sooo does this piece!

    Fantastic.
    ~Azura*
    | Posted on 2009-01-25 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      
    This gives me strength when I feel weak.
    | Posted on 2009-01-24 00:00:00 | by O | [ Reply to This ]
      Great Poem David! I'm not going to dissect. Just stopped by for a read, an extremely enjoyable one, but I have learn't to stalk you like Jackal, so when you post a new poem, I might get in their for a quick comment before the other vultures have licked the carcase of your poem clean. Arthur
    | Posted on 2005-07-10 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful, D. Just beautiful. Syrinx blends in perfectly with the rest of the poem and adds a layer of depth to it that does more than simply do it justice, it blow away propels it into the stratosphere.

    Lovely.
    | Posted on 2005-06-03 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
      It definatley fits there, dovetails,
    and I would not have guessed that it was an afterthought. Obviously, it is the longest of the sections, but that's just the nature of the subject. I was thinking about Alia as well, while watching some birds yesterday. They were hummingbirds, and they kept swarming between their feeder and the oriole feeder. Usually I just hear their wings buzz, but yesterday they were also clucking at each other. The cluck isn't as loud as the buzz, but it's there if you pay attention. Nuf said?
    Dave
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      I read this before and I commented on this before.
    The thing you have added is a beautiful thing.
    You my friend have created the very thing that makes Alia a very dear friend of mine.

    ~shawn
    | Posted on 2005-06-04 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey,I like that you write about what you know but...honestly, it doesn't say anything. It isn't really very intimate and its not anything, I relate to. And maybe thats just me but, I didn't feel anything when I read your works, no happiness, no sadness, not even boredom. It made pefect sense it just, as I said didn't speak to me. I think you should maybe put more emotion into it, wait for inspiration instead of writing about anything. Because honestly thats what I thought about it. It definetly original. Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2005-06-05 00:00:00 | by Restless_Heart | [ Reply to This ]
      D-

    My recent interactions with Alia prompted me to read this piece, because now I have some small sense of where she's coming from, what she's working towards, and some of the issues she faces on a daily basis.

    I came here prepared to chop chop chop, because I'm finding that hypercritical vein is running strong lately, and I want to be honest in my comments, but here I find you've denied me that singular pleasure, and I must go away hungry.

    Which is to say, this is beautiful, meaningful, sentimental, and technically . . . the divided styles worked for me and the ending especially . . . I found poignant and telling. So no chop chop and no whomp whomp, but I decided to let you know how I felt about it anyway.

    Peace.
    | Posted on 2005-04-14 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
      This was beautiful. Alia is a truly lucky person to have such a poem written for her.

    I really like your style of writing, because I have the feeling of not being entrapped as I read it. I know that sounds weird, but your poetry has a way, it doesn't feel forced, and I absolutely love that.

    I like how you choose single words to start the stanzas, and then expand on them.
    That really adds to reading this.
    For example, not commonly used words like syrinx and sach, it's like a fresh breath of air.

    The way the user name 'storm of bliss' is incorporated in this is interesting and enjoyable to read, I love the stanzas following 'your sacrifice' because I feel like it describes her poetry and personality <even though I haven't read much of her poetry, and don't know her personally, you just get the gist of it, which is great>

    The third and fourth stanzas were gorgerous! ha ha! that's so cute, you're so sweet!

    I like how you added some light hearted fun to the piece. As for the stanza under 'shared wisdom', that really grabbed me, and was such a quizzical, poignant way to end...

    The only part I didn't understand was 'Sach'. How you say, 'I am the extremist, I am the terrorist..' and then 'you are Islam, you are peace..' I gather this means she is muslim, and so is the stanza supposed to be ironic? I didn't really understand.

    But anyway, I enjoyed this. I had read your journal entry before reading but as I hadnt read it before the additions, I can't compare. Except that it all goes very well together, and I wouldn't have anything taken out.

    Once again, thanks for sharing.

    alexis
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by pennyroyal tea | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this was a great piece although i am sure you know that by now with the amount of comments given this is a great piece loved it. she is a lucky girl. lia
    | Posted on 2005-06-10 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      that last bit is REALLY amazing. the whole thing is pretty good in general but the last part is the best. it has left me in deep deep thought and just... speechless.
    | Posted on 2005-04-05 00:00:00 | by Lemmy | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahhh, if only someone loved me like that...to wrtie a poem that shows how many ways a person can fill a person's heart... to separate the differences of feeling and bring them into a unified conglomeration of simplicity...it's unreal what you did here, and I am sure that you know that. I am truly jealous of this girl with the gorgeous name that sits atop this magnificent piece of art...this is more heart felt than anything I have ever read...more passionate than I could imagine will ever be pointed at myself...though I know what it is to feel these things for another...to feel tat someone is peace amidst storms and violence...and that a person's existence puts reason to things (as well as giving reason to the exraordinary)...
    thanks for the read, though I should have seen it before. I haven't heard from you in some time...weren't you moving? perhaps...I hope all is well...
    Annie
    | Posted on 2005-06-13 00:00:00 | by Anniehodgkiss | [ Reply to This ]
      I remember critiquing this peice long ago. I liked it then and i like it now. Though (i think) the syrinx part is strong enough to stand on its own. A real marvel. Your work exhibits a rare synthesis of thought and emotion. It feels genuine and not forced at all.

    will read more later, kc
    | Posted on 2005-06-13 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
      THE STORM: I love the beginning. You titled it the storm but instead of running for cover as most do in a storm, you opened yourself up and braced the beauty of it. This is backed up by the peacefulness of the line " I am but a mist in your deep rain". It is almost a sorrowful line also because it seems that you would wish to be more. Instead of standing on the outside of the storm but to become on within the storm. ( yes I know this is written for a person and in my comments I mean nothing sexual or anything along those lines.)
    NARF IS NARF: I don't really know what narf is, but that set aside, Your poem within this title is beautiful and it really pulled at my heart also. How many times did I wish to have a wise friend as a child. A adult friend that I did not have to worry about hurting me or harming me in someway. That never did happen but I grew up and learned that all people are not the same as the ones that I was raised with. Anyway, the playfulness that came in this part brought a smile to my face as I am sure it did of storm of bliss. It also made a longing to be wrapped in the safty of your loving home. To really be the child that she deserves to be. That she has never gotten to be. Free of the adult worries.
    SACH: Again I do not know what this word is, but I do understand the wording and meaning of the poem. I am really not going to say much on this section because I feel it has a deeper meaning that was shared between you and she.
    YOUR SACRIFICE: The truth. She has a way of seeing what is inside not just the skin surface. The wording of this was breath taking. I could almost see her ripping into souls...
    SHARED WISDOM: I think I can almost say you left all speachless in your ending. You need her as much as she needs you. Together you both make one whole person. Like the image of the moon dancing along the lake. I will have to explain that one to you when I have more time.
    Dana
    | Posted on 2005-02-17 00:00:00 | by raptures | [ Reply to This ]
      If there is such a thing as Heaven you just earned your place there with this poem. You do not fool anyone with your last stanza. You feel your pain perfectly well, just as you can feel that of others. It was a wonderful thing for you to do. Lynn
    | Posted on 2005-02-16 00:00:00 | by greensnake | [ Reply to This ]
      Well,

    I don't personally know Alia (although after reading this I may have to be introduced) so at first I couldn't connect all of your stanzas. Then I read the comments, including the crazy-long ones by the miss herself, and I began to understand. I read what she said, and I read what she didn't say, and I opened my eyes - and saw understanding. It is not every day that you can look at a person and see them, and it is not every day that you can put a person and the light that they are into words.

    Congratulations. You have given birth to something beautiful.

    ~ Kayla
    | Posted on 2005-01-31 00:00:00 | by Niphredil | [ Reply to This ]
      Great tribute and appreciation for such a very fun inspiring girl! Storm of Narfing Bliss! She is fun isn't she? :) Let's just turn this into a Alia-fest. ;) I love it that you went within her realm. You didn't just get into the 'teenage' stuff. You dug into her, which she openly and inspiringly shares, with a respect and love that the world is missing today. You did an excellent job with this. I agree with Sandburg, you are very lucky to know her. In fact, we all are. :) I wanna be the teenage girl with her in the mall poking fun at passer-bys though! See I already fit the role, being a teen and all. hehe Great job! Shoutout to Alia! You are a great person!
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-01-25 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree this is a cool thing you have done for a wonderful yet strange person...*narfer* that does seem to be her fav. word.

    Peace and Harmony

    shawn
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      what a beautiful and loving testament to Alia you have written. what a true friend you are. i see that she had quite a reaction to this. this is just gorgeous, exquisite writing for someone you obviously care a great deal about. i may seem ignorant here, but what does "narf" mean?!!

    gorgeous. simply gorgeous. everyone should have a friend such as you.
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Aw, this is so sweet. I love her. She's so much fun. "Narf is narf" is cute. I love Pinky. Poit, narf, egad, I say.

    I like: "I want to be a teenaged girl/We would hang out at the mall/poking fun at passersby." Hey, do what makes you happy. I have friends who do that, and they're 40.

    "I want to adopt you and bring you home/where we would go over your homework/
    with my wife, then join my daughter" is just so sweet. I know a lot of people I'd like to adopt.

    I am the fundamentalist
    I am the extremist
    I am the terrorist
    You are Islam
    You are peace

    Those are my favorite lines because Islamic people get so much flack. People need to be reminded that the vast majority are peaceful. Don't let a few bad apples spoil the bunch.

    "exposing contradictions/ of li(v)es otherwise concealed/Filling them with the joy" is also very sweet. I like "li(v)es;" that's nice word play.


    If I could teach you
    how to cut through your pain,
    would you teach me
    how to feel mine?

    Those are very sad lines. I know she's been through a lot recently, and it's nice of you to realize that.
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is truly, truly beautiful. The ending is superb. Emotions throughout. Its hard for me to pick out the part that moved me the most. Maybe the Sach part. I knew all along I picked the best person to stalk. Its going on my favorites so I can get to it easy. If we should ever pass in this lifetime or another, I shall be the one wearing the red rose, and carrying your banner.
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]
      At first, I didn't like the completely different styles from titled element to titled element... It took away from the flow. Having read this a few more times, though, I actually think it would be a lesser write if it didn't contain the changes in format, in flow, in rhythm. I loved the inherent self deprication in "The Storm" when it culminates in:

    "I am but the mist of your deep rain"

    and, as has already been noted, the whole last "mini-poem" is a great ending to a great poem. Greatly enjoyable.
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
      Well you saved the best for last in this set of dedicated poems, although I loved Truth almost as much. The wisdom in shared wisdom is too great to measure. I am always excited to have an open and honest (respectful) exchange of ideas between cultures. Your poems speak to that. She's a lucky lady to know you.
    D.
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      Ahh where to start with this one I am not even sure of. First and foremost I truly enjoyed it and I don't know how else to get it across that I liked this one. The different titled segments of the poem were rather amazing and I have never seen anything like this at all before.

    unsuspecting drones trapped in lives
    of preordained dullness
    We would buy smoothies and talk
    of faraway places, undiscovered,
    that we would travel to together
    in spaces of conversation so real
    we would taste the cultures

    This was the first portion of the writing that caught my eye and made me stop and think of the words you used. "of preordained dullness," for some reason I just love that, very clever and as soon as my eyes danced over it I was utterly amazed. So many various things about this piece, it is so colorful mixed with a bit of dull and just invigorating that I can't even begin to find enough words to describe it at all.

    If I could teach you
    how to cut through your pain,
    would you teach me
    how to feel mine?

    Now this has to be an excellent ending in my opinion. Just the thought of it, so simple and I sat here thinking..."hmm why have I not thought of something along this line." Anyway, the piece was just great and I truly enjoyed reading it. Haven't read such an amazing piece like this in quite a while. Great write...

    -Geremy-
    | Posted on 2005-01-24 00:00:00 | by Geremy Smith | [ Reply to This ]
      That was brilliant.


    Narf is Narf


    I want to be a teenaged girl
    We would hang out at the mall
    poking fun at passersby,
    unsuspecting drones trapped in lives
    of preordained dullness
    We would buy smoothies and talk
    of faraway places, undiscovered,
    where we would travel together
    in spaces of conversation so real
    we would taste the cultures

    I want to adopt you and bring you home
    where we would go over your homework
    with my wife, then join my daughter
    and watch girlie movies, like Mean Girls
    I would make popcorn and smile
    as I hear giggles from the next room
    I'd return and you would rewind
    so I could see what I missed
    We'd laugh guiltlessly at the part where Janus
    says Damien is "almost too gay to function"

    I love this it shows true appreciation of the friendship you have of storm and I think it is to be treasured :)


    Sach


    I am the fundamentalist
    I am the extremist
    I am the terrorist
    You are Islam
    You are peace

    The contrast of oposites attracting...how wonderful :)


    your sacrifice


    you are a raging storm of bliss
    ripping roofs off of houses
    revealing the contents within

    exposing contradictions
    of li(v)es otherwise concealed
    filling them with the joy

    of endless possibility
    absorbing the grief
    of such naked truth

    Yes she does rip roofs off houses and I get that from just reading her poems lol.


    syrinx


    sometimes you show up at my window
    like a crazed canary
    chirping away with undecipherable expressions;
    notes so in tune, i canít help but to sing along
    (the canary takes up to 30 breaths per second;
    sometimes you donít seem to breathe at all)

    other times you sit at my window in silence
    or maybe, like a cowbird, your notes are so high
    that they canít be heard by human ears

    often times i look for you
    but all i see is a vast vacant sky
    and all i hear is white noise ó
    these times leave me to face the fact
    that birds have wings for a reason

    how can i expect you
    to keep appearing at my window
    when your nest is so far away
    and your wings give you access
    to so much more
    than what my grounded, flightless world has to offer?

    so go ahead and soar, explore
    all the wonders that you were born to find
    i will keep my window in a crack
    and listen for your song ó
    like that of a kakapo
    it will carry to me from wherever you are

    it is your time to fly



    so fly

    I love this. I sense youre longing to chat. She should fly right into a publishers in my opinion, you too for that matter.


    Shared Wisdom



    If I could teach you
    how to cut through your pain,
    would you teach me
    how to feel mine?

    Would you be strong enough to feel it?

    Thanks for sharing such an amazing poem collective. I loved it :). The talent you have is amazing.
    | Posted on 2005-06-20 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      Jesus I never thought I was going to get to the bottom of this page to comment. Well now that I made it DUDE you have one serious fukn talent inside of you. I'm serious. This was brilliant, your style is so growing on me its ridiculous, I hope this girl still makes you feel that good! You know me and hanuman had some words over a piece of mine that he chewed up just to spit out but we ironed it out and found a nice happy medium. I really respect and admire his work and saw that you were one of his FAVS, so I decided to read it, so here I am and I am trully glad I did, you really are good dude,(Talent) thats what you got. SERIOUS FUKN TALENT OH BTW ITS going on my favs list See ya~L.t
    | Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      I can't really comment on this because I'm just in awe.
    You mastered it.
    You created a tribute to one of the most original and individual characters on this site.
    I love her. I love her zaniness, her moods, her narfin' narf-a-narfs, I even love her feckin comments that go on in one long line and mess my page up (but don't tell her that or she'll leave loads more!)

    I have a poem written for her that's in my poetry folder, but it hasn't been finished as I've never been able to put my finger on exactly what it is that I wanna say to her.
    But you knew.
    And you made her world a sunny place.
    Thank you, for that.
    Lea
    | Posted on 2005-02-02 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    43539

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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