I really liked this piece. It reminds me of myself. I like the way this is written. There are several lessons that I derived from this. One...be careful what you wish for and two...a normal life is boring. Great write. :)
This was really cool, I love how it ended. Hey, be glad you're not normal...besides..what is normal? Normal would be so boring...everyone would be the same... ew. So, be proud that you're different, I am!
i really love this poem..it was more like a poetic story to me & written nicely on that matter. this is a fave and im not sure what else to say about it.the rhyming scheme was great and i dont think i could try and replace some of the words...either im extremely tired or my brain has the flu. anywho,again,i really liked it & sry if im not giving a helpful comment. !.! ...
this is a good write. there are so many different kinds of feelings in this poem. i liek it. i too sometimes feel this way, but in the end it all works out for the best. keep up the good work.
first stanza I have this odd feeling toward that one. I have these moments where I sit somewhere and my thoughts race by. it kind of makes me ill in a way. I get very tense and I just want the thought to stop doing that, it is a very scary feeling that has me on edge. I don’t know if that is what you are describing here but it brings up that strangeness I feel at times.
ha ha nice room visual there in the second stanza. my room would take up five stanzas of description. I am not kidding neither.
staying up at night and having wars oh my isn’t that the revelation, you know I do that very thing but usually I give in (why fight it?) and sleep soon follows after, ha ha you probably are like wtf is he talking about? that is ok I get that a lot. lets just say I have more than just a mental illness.
hmm talking to the wall well I guess that could be a better conversation then some people hee hee. the lights flicker oooo that sound it is very cool. you don’t like that electric on and off buzz they do eh? hehe. now that you mention it, it does brings up some very nasty horror movies I have seen with that effect in it. usually when that is surrounded by dark scenery it tends to give it that quality of eeriness and suspense. I must say nice picture you develop here.
“normal” uggggh you don’t wanna be normal, poo! did I just say poo? whatever “normal” may be, it’s way more interesting to be strange and unique.
fourth stanza. ok this is where it gets a little more difficult. you are on a bed and something winks at you to fall. I’m getting goosebumps now, ha ha I love those one thing is the freaking wall winking, that is very odd (goosbumpies again) ok and the fall part. could be a fall such as falling off the bed. and yet it could be a falling within yourself, it is an effect when you are on your way to sleep. a sinking feeling one of those strange anomalies that happen to people. the third thing which sometimes can follow the second sinking explanation, what could be happening here is a night terror. sometimes in odd hours when the stars are aligned just right I guess. the falling into a half asleep state (more bumpies again ) it feels odd really more than falling though more like a vibration and sometimes the horrible being held down. now I don’t know if all that happens here but it has to me following these strange patterns you have written about. anyhow I have had those a lot. it could be the spirit separating from the body but trust me on this, I am never brave enough to go through the whole process. the whatever freaking thing that holds me down scares that crap out of me so I end up whimpering and usually that makes it go away. anyhow there is a few odd things in the write that freak me out.
the rest the falling onto the floor and the hum drum of life is cool. then you go back to laying on the bed again. truly puzzling. very creepily done and most interesting to read. I hope I didn’t go way out on you but this brought a lot of weirdness and goosebumps for me. well done Bon Bon,
Heh heh. I really connected with this one. This is the first poem I've read of yours, and I'm going to read more. This was probably just kind of a rant, am I right? Because of that, it flows nicely, and doesn't feel over-edited. Holy crap... you should see my room. I know what it's like to lie in bed, sweating away the time, and hoping something will fix your life for you. It says a lot about imagination too. Fighting with yourself is a great way of sqrewing boredom isn't it? I chat with myself all the time, usually playful arguements. The problem with maturity is that it's too organized eh? Society doesn't promote free thinking, it wants things in labled litte boxes, and it's so easy to fall into one of those. I remember when I was much younger and I would play these wonderfully imaginative games with my little sister. I really miss those times, because I could have fun with out judging myself. Anyway, it was nice to read your work.
I enjoyed this write. I liked the reference to a clean room versus a messy room in the description of normal. I found this funny because my brother's room was always messy and if we had cleaned it up my brother would have never found anything, but he was able to find things within 6 inches on request. My room was clean and I was never so organized.
Next thought is if everyone was different then different would be normal and alike would be strange. So stay yourself and let the "normal" people conform. Smiles
I love it! He He He. When you pictured your room all clean was it kind of like when your mom cleaned that one day and we went to your house and it was all clean and freaky. To be normal...*shudders and gags* why would anyone even want to dream of that? Such a nighmare, oh such a nightmare that I don't wish on anyone. I think I got a little side tracked, but I did like the poem and you rhymed!
Some advice in the [brackets] :: you can lick it or pitch it...
“I stay up all night have wars with myself We fight and fight (says little for [maybe put a “my” in here] mental health)”
“I fall from the bed but I do not hit the floor I keep falling till [Until or ‘til otherwise your playing in dirt- lol] I am no more”
“The wall no more talks [The walls no longer talk] and the light no more flickers [The lights, they cease to flicker] I have a normal kind of life myself no more bickers” [With myself, no more I bicker]
Just a thought- I have those sometymes... I should write a book- oh- wait... Peace, love and cocaine whores- ~#6-
i salute my sista bon. you did a good job on this. why do people want to be normal? it's no fun. (not that i speak from experience) i sometimes wish i could be happy with who i am but i think it's in human nature to doubt and wish for something else, something that could never come to them.
my fav. stanza is 'i fall from the bed but i do not hit the floor i keep falling until i am no more'
the falling until i am no more was what caught me. i love this and you did a good job. by the by, did you let brown read it? i think he'd like it.
So many emotions in one poem. As I read I kinda laughed, felt a little sad and by the end I realized something I kinda already knew. The life you know, the life we have, is the our life for a reason. Damn, so what was the reason we got these ones? Good poem sweetheart. See you tomorrow.
No Bon, don't be pulled into the dark side of being a perfet little clone like all the other people! Don't do it Bon! He he, I really liked this (as you can probally tell) But have no idea what to say about it (doesn't that suck?) Um.. keep up the great work?
Submission Name: My World
ew. So, be proud that you're different, I am!
one thing is the freaking wall winking, that is very odd (goosbumpies again) ok and the fall part. could be a fall such as falling off the bed. and yet it could be a falling within yourself, it is an effect when you are on your way to sleep. a sinking feeling one of those strange anomalies that happen to people. the third thing which sometimes can follow the second sinking explanation, what could be happening here is a night terror. sometimes in odd hours when the stars are aligned just right I guess. the falling into a half asleep state (more bumpies again 
